Friday, July 24, 2009

My Little White Companions

It's not uncommon to find pills around here and there, even after you think you have gotten rid of them. I have found them in my closet, in pockets, in my purse. Only about 3. Today I got up and thought I would try on some jeans. I have lost about 25 lbs. Not too bad for just over 6 weeks! Anyway, as I reached in the pocket, there they were, another pill and a half, my little oval, white companions. You see, they have been with me for many, many years. I'm feeling like I should say they were hard to give up, that I was tempted for just a moment. But they weren't, and I wasn't. I didn't feel one way or another. I should maybe curse them, or yell, or stomp and scream, I don't know, just something to show how I hate them. But I didn't. I just ceremoniously flushed them down the toilet like I have with the others I have found.

I don't feel conflicted, or at war with myself anymore. I am not churning and anxious about what the next day has in store. I don't have too many expectations. I am not on a timeline anymore. I don't feel disappointment and regret on choices I have made. I am who I am, and I will be stronger and better.

I am slowly getting to a place of peacefulness and hope.

By the way, Happy Pioneer Day!

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