Tuesday, March 20, 2012

2 years..

It's been just over 2 years since I got on oxy. You'd think we'd be good friends by now. But really, I hate Darth more than ever! I've been going without it a lot lately pretending I don't need it. I keep my oxcimeter with me all the time to measure my stats. And than I'm shocked when my saturation has dropped and I'm out of breath and energy.

i think its strange that I'm having a harder time now than ever before. Mentally that is. Come on. This is what I do now. It's OK. I just don't know how to be sick. You'd think I'd figure it out after 21/2 years. And longer really.

The day is beautiful! I'll go for a walk. That is the best medicine of all.

Tuesday, February 7, 2012

In the arms of angels

As this horrible news is unfolding of the little Powell boys, my heart is so deeply troubled, saddened, sickened, etc; there are not enough adjectives to describe how we all feel I'm sure. They were exactly Tolman and Addi's age, 7 and 5. I love Tol and Addi with more than my heart can hold. I love Jami, Jessica, Chelsea, Nils and Curtis with that same heart. And Ron. How much love can one heart hold? I often wonder how God can love me as much as He does when there are so many to love, and so many with HUGE problems. But then I see how many my mere mortal heart loves and I start to understand, just a little.

My heart is so heavy for the parents and grandparents of Susan and these angel babies. I've prayed for them and will continue to, and all the other family, friends and neighbors who knew them intimately.

I am forever grateful to my faith in the fact that they were taken in the arms of their loving angel mother, and Brother, our Savior Jesus Christ in their time of terrific horribleness. I'm sure they were not left alone. I'm sure there were angels "round about them to bare them up".

Tuesday, January 31, 2012


The following is from Music and the Spoken Word given last Sunday:

Have you ever seen a painting by the artist Renoir—in a museum, perhaps, or in a book of impressionist art? We marvel at the beauty he captured, the sudden burst of color in a portrait, the serenity of a French meadow scene.

But as famous as Renoir is, few people realize that he painted much of his work in excruciating pain. Renoir was so crippled with rheumatoid arthritis that he had to sleep with a wire contraption that kept his sheets from touching his body. His deformed hands had to be wrapped with gauze; otherwise his fingernails would grow into his flesh. He couldn’t even pick up a paintbrush. And yet he would sit before a canvas in his wheelchair, have someone wedge a brush between his claw-like fingers, and paint visions of joy and delight.

It’s easy to see why Renoir’s illness is not well known, because not a shred of bitterness or despair appears in his work. Renoir was the model of a cheerful attitude, saying, "The pain passes, . . . but the beauty remains,”1 and "One must from time to time attempt things that are beyond one’s capacity.”2

On rare occasions we meet someone like this—a person who is in great personal pain but somehow manages to be joyful, even vibrant. We stand in awe of such people; they refuse to focus attention on themselves but instead inspire us to rise above our own sufferings and create beauty for those around us.

The next time someone asks, "Have you ever seen a Renoir?” you might think of a beautiful painting, but you might also think of the Renoirs you know—the everyday people who teach us, by their remarkable example, how to forget our own problems and focus on what we can do to bring joy to others. (End quote)

I want to be a Renoir.... Yeah. Just think I came up with a New Year's Resolution.

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lard butt!

I went to a beautiful cabin last weekend, one of those girl get-away things. There was old woman Shar with 3 other girls half my age. I love these gals! They make me feel young? but mostly they make me feel a part when I could be rather lonely. Most everyone in my neighborhood are 30 somethings.

Erica was asking me about being sick, which I really appreciated. She really wanted to know the deeper meaning than, How are you? It came up in the conversation that I have lost between 40 and 50 lbs since this whole thing started, not on purpose I might add. (I know! Can you freakin believe that!) Then she said, Didn't you used to weigh around 300? Hell no! Not even close! Did I look like I did? Erica, (While we were both laughing while a tear or two trickled down my chubby cheeks). I'm so sorry! I have no concept of weight. Me. Yeah, but 300?! Have you ever watched biggest loser?! THEN the snowmobile gets stuck.. Shar why don't you get off and walk and we'll meet you at the top. K. It was only a few feet, but the snowmobile wouldn't move till lard butt got off!

Oh no, I'm not finished yet. I get to Curtis' B ball game. One of the mom's comes up to me, I'm having this really fun party Wed night and want you to come. Are you busy? I always hate those questions. It depends on what the deal is if I'm busy or not. Just tell me up front. Sure enough, it was for some weight loss thing.

First of all, NO! I don't want to come! Why didn't you ask the fat man sitting a few rows in front of me? Or, Second of all, Don't EVVVVVERRRR ask ANYONE whose nose has some plastic tubing attached if they are interested in losing weight. There just may be a health issue involved. And with that health issue comes medicine. Lots and lots of medicine. One of those being prednisone. Take a moment to look up the side effects of this miracle drug from hell. It is quite a miracle that I have lost any weight being on that for as long as I have. And will be for the rest of my life, whatever that may be. Third, You will have a much better time selling a weight loss product if you FIRST have lost the weight you lard butt!

Geeish! I'm going to go have a cookie, or dozen.