Saturday, November 13, 2010


Things have to change. I had a dream the other night. About Vivian. Yes! That's right. For those of you who don't know, Vivian is a crazy, evil woman on Days. WAAAAAY TOO MUCH DAYS! I got hooked after spending months on end on the couch. (Justification)

Anyway, my kiddos were all coming home (minus Jami) for the weekend and I wanted the house to be spic and span. I went to turn on the TV to keep me company. I got a very uncomfortable feeling of brain freeze (that happens when I have lots to do and it kind of paralyzes me. My brain goes spastic and I basically go in circles not accomplishing much of anything) so I decided to turn on the CD player instead. Josh Grobin. I played it over and over and over again, with David Foster's Symphony Sessions in between. Brilliance! And I can hardly wait for Andre Bocelli Christmas. He hits CRAZY, RIDICULOUS notes! He jumps an octave and a half during one song. (Can't remember the name right now) WHOA! I don't think I'll wait til after Thanksgiving. Today is a great day for a little Andre.

I got so much done that day. And my soul was filled, my spirits lifted. I could conquer the world, AND I had a shiny floor. I was filled with such gratitude for my life. And especially for the gift of music. It is spiritual to me. It takes me away to places deep in my heart. I am grateful to such artists who have used and developed their God given talents.

I used to have the CD player on 24/7 while my kids were young. My piano was always playing. I was either playing or teaching. My kids used to love hearing me play. They still do though I don't play very often anymore. Many times I would be practicing in the morning before they woke up. I especially remember Chelsea bringing her blanket and pillow and lying on the floor (which was hard wood) just so she could listen up close and personal. I didn't know she was there. Curtis does that now. He begs me to play. Actually, all my children do. OK. I will.

Which leads me to Thanksgiving. I am going to post all my November entries on things that I am grateful for. And today, thank you God, for gift of music.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Dear Cathi

Dear Cathi,

Congratulations! You made it. Your graduation day, as you always referred to it as, was Mon. Nov. 1st, the day you passed from this life to the next. So many things I would like you to know.

The last time I came to see you was about one month ago. You were not having a good day so I only stayed a few minutes. You were also intent on listening to Stake Conference which had been piped into your home. I really wanted to come back, but just couldn't. Of anyone, I knew you would understand. I knew the time was very, very close.

Today as I was lying in bed, I thought of some of the times we shared. We were pregnant together, more than once. Bryson and Andy would have been the same age. When I lost Andy, you brought me over a beautiful CD of hymn arrangements. I wore it out. When I was pregnant with Curtis, you brought me dinner, not after I had him, but the week before. How sweet.

We both dreaded January. For others it is a time of starting fresh. For us it was a letdown. You always complimented me on my garden. When Christopher was getting home from his mission, I was lucky enough to come and plant and weed for you, though you were not supposed to find out who it was.

More than anything, you taught me how to live with patience, purpose in the smallest of things, and long suffering. In dying you taught me quiet dignity and endurance, relying on a power heaven sent, because it was constantly sought after.

I'm happy for you Cathi, for you suffered, and now, that suffering is over. I pray for your family knowing that they will be OK. They had the greatest teacher.

I love you.