Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My brain drives me crazy!

I drive myself nuts! I can't turn off my stupid brain obsessing over stupid things. Dumb things like, should I move some of my flowers around. I shouldn't have gotten that color flower for my front porch. Why am I worrying about flowers now. The planting season is over. It is never over. I hate that I have an appetite now due to the prednisone I am on. I would rather keep not eating and loosing weight. Wait, I should be happy. That means I am finally getting better. Should I go to a support group. I don't want to go to support groups. I hated them in the past. What would be different now. I am different. I have changed. I don't know. I can't sleep. I can eat. Crap. I hate that I can eat. I want to exercise. Now. I don't want to keep driving myself CRAZY! Why did I spend so much time in the sun when I was young. My skin is looking so old. Too many age spots from sun exposure. How did I let myself get this way. How can I pull myself out. How can I finally find peace and self acceptance. Maybe just the way I am. I'm so glad I'm finally off pills. I am happy I am finally seeing improvement. Slow but sure. I miss not tending my g-babies. Why can't I remember anything anymore. Probably because my brain is too busy thinking/worrying/obsessing over stupid things! My body still isn't working right. It's only been just over 5 weeks. Be grateful. That's right. Be grateful. And be grateful again and again and again. Maybe I should fill my brain up with gratefulness. Whenever I think a negative thought I will try my hardest to force it out and replace it with 10 positives! Yeah, that's what I'll do.

1 comment:

  1. I am my mother's daughter! My brain drives me absolutely NUTSO!!! I hate it. OBSESSED about EVERYTHING!... and nothing. Ahhhhhhhh!
    *at least we're crazy and obsessive together.