It will be 8 weeks tomorrow. I should be incredibly happy. I would like to feel like I have, or am, conquering the world. I have felt like that before, but not in a long time. I wish I could say how much better my life is, how much better I feel and how I am working towards goals I have had for a long time.
But, I don't know what to say. I feel like I felt better on pills, that at least I had energy to get things accomplished, that my family had a mom a lot of the time, that I was able to tend a lot of times, that I could cook and clean all day if I wanted to, that I could go to a job and come home and do mom kind of things, that I could go out with Ron and Curtis to a movie or dinner, that I could spend time in my garden, that I could go visit Chel and see how she's doing. I worry about my Chel so much.
I can't and won't go back to pills. I have gone too far and I would have to do it all over again. I think it is much like divorce for a good friend of mine. In recalling the marriage gone bad, all she saw when it was over were the good times. Her ex was a toxic jerk. I would have to remind her every now and again. I think that is the way with pills, especially now that things such as health, are not so good.
Time goes so fast. I can't believe it is August already, even though the summer has gone so slowly in many ways. I know that I will get better, that I will be able to do the things I dream of, that I will be not only back to normal, but better than I have been in years.
I am glad it has been 2 months, though it seems that my resolve has been lacking lately. I know it will be 3, and then 4 months before I know it. Curtis will be back in school. That makes me sad. I love having him home. I always hated it when my kids went back, even after Christmas break. I loved having them home with me. I loved/love being a mom. Another topic for another day. I'm rambling. blah blah blah.
More tests tomorrow. Yipee!