Sunday, August 2, 2009

What to say

It will be 8 weeks tomorrow. I should be incredibly happy. I would like to feel like I have, or am, conquering the world. I have felt like that before, but not in a long time. I wish I could say how much better my life is, how much better I feel and how I am working towards goals I have had for a long time.

But, I don't know what to say. I feel like I felt better on pills, that at least I had energy to get things accomplished, that my family had a mom a lot of the time, that I was able to tend a lot of times, that I could cook and clean all day if I wanted to, that I could go to a job and come home and do mom kind of things, that I could go out with Ron and Curtis to a movie or dinner, that I could spend time in my garden, that I could go visit Chel and see how she's doing. I worry about my Chel so much.

I can't and won't go back to pills. I have gone too far and I would have to do it all over again. I think it is much like divorce for a good friend of mine. In recalling the marriage gone bad, all she saw when it was over were the good times. Her ex was a toxic jerk. I would have to remind her every now and again. I think that is the way with pills, especially now that things such as health, are not so good.

Time goes so fast. I can't believe it is August already, even though the summer has gone so slowly in many ways. I know that I will get better, that I will be able to do the things I dream of, that I will be not only back to normal, but better than I have been in years.

I am glad it has been 2 months, though it seems that my resolve has been lacking lately. I know it will be 3, and then 4 months before I know it. Curtis will be back in school. That makes me sad. I love having him home. I always hated it when my kids went back, even after Christmas break. I loved having them home with me. I loved/love being a mom. Another topic for another day. I'm rambling. blah blah blah.

More tests tomorrow. Yipee!


  1. You're doing awesome, Mom. Just hang in there and before you know it, you'll be good as new... well almost. We love you so much!

  2. Wow, what a great accomplishment Shar! 8 weeks is REALLY GREAT!!! Remember that! Just think it is already August and soon in 8 more weeks it will be fun Halloween time! Always a fun time at the Nelson home as I remember with the BIG candy bars and all the yummy soups! And then 8 weeks after that will be Christmas!! Makes me think of the delicious Pecan Logs you make! Yum, I miss those! So think of all those FUN times coming up in 8 weeks and 8 weeks again! YOu are doing great and there is so much to look forward too! Keep up the good work, you are in my prayers! Miss you guys and hope to see you all soon!

  3. Oh man that is so true. It's so easy to just think of the "good times" when in reality those times are really just small moments. Shar, you really are doing so well. Eight weeks is awesome, especially since you haven't felt that great for the majority. I agree with Gen. Keep looking ahead. Love you so much.

    P.S. why did she have to mention the pecan logs? Now that's all I can think about. So good!

  4. I admire your perserverence. Often when we work soooo hard to change, life seems to get harder before the rewards kick in. I used to think (or want to believe) that if I figured out a specific formula, life would become smooth and the bumps and jars would disappear. Now I know that the bumps and jars are life, and my challenge is learning to manuver them with grace. Somedays the efforts are exhausting, but staying the course brings rewards.
    Best with your tests. Please let me know.