Thursday, August 27, 2009

Is God mad at me? I don't blame him. So am I.

Has God finally had enough? Does he finally realize I was the one who didn't shout for joy at the thought of having a body? I know I know. No lectures here. I am very fortunate. I know that, but right now, not so much. Just humor me and give me this moment. It will pass.

I have spent the last 2 days in bed, not because I was sick, just sick in the head. I have had a bad case of feel sorry for me. My fingers look like sausages, my wrists deformed, my feet, knees and ankles have puffs of swollenness. Even my shoulders and toes hurt. But worst of all is my face. My neck looks like that of a linebacker continuing up to my cheeks with slits for eyes. All this whatever it is, rheumatoid arthritis they think, makes it painful to move. But, my stomach issues are gone! With that, my appetite is, sigh, back. Kinda mad about that. Actually, really mad.

So, now, a new adventure and reason to blog. Or to keep me accountable. Maybe it is my way of journaling. Whatever. Anyway, new goal. I need to get my weight as low as possible to take as much pressure off my joints. Funny. It's not just a cosmetic thing anymore. They are in enough trouble that I have no control over, without me adding to that. I need get my butt in gear and do some things. Time to start walking and walking and walking. Also, some kind of diet. I hate diets. I HATE DIETS! I have always lost weight after babies by running, refusing to go on some kind of structured diet. And, it has always done the trick, and got me addicted to the high of those great endorphins floating through my brain on those days I could have run forever and ever! Even on days the runs were not so great. I loved them all. I loved that I'd run mostly 6 days a week for 25 years.

That's what I'll do. Walk. I'll see where that takes me before I do some horrible thing like diet. Yeah, that's where I'll start.

And I thought getting off pain pills was hard. Oh, this adventure called life!

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