Yesterday started out quite good. I accomplished a little, a very ltter, but I did accomplish something. As the day progressed, I felt worse and worse. I have tried with all I have in me, to remain postivie. I knew this would not be a walk in the park physically, so I have tried to be on top of things mentally. I have tried to look for the good in the world, appreciate all the incredible bl;essings I have, so on and so on.
By the time 4:oo rolled around, I was pretty much feeling all the symptoms that come with this beast. It is hard to understand unless you have been through it. I thought I would let you know what some of those symptoms are, certainly not for the purpose of sympathy, just a real look at the hellishness of opiate addiction. Extreme nausea, terrible joint pain, pins feel like they are sticking in every skin cell, insomnia, no energy...these are just a few as to spare you details you don't need to know. It is not fun. Opiate withdrawal is very safe to stop cold turkey, but is known to be one of the most painful.
Jess came over yesterday. She doesn't get out this way much anymore and it was great to have her visit. She is always ready for a party. Curtis loves having her here. They wanted to go see Star Trek. Great movie BTW> I thought I should buck up and go. I did and was freezing, feeling awful, but I went.
I teach the singing in Primary in my ward. I love it! I love the kids and I love the music. One of the songs is "How Firm a Foundation"., the 1st and 3rd verses. I thought that was a little odd maybe, but the kids have done a great job learning it.
Little did I know what learning that song would do for me I have been reciting the words to the 3rd verse over and over and over again in these past 2 week. "Fear not I am with thee. Oh be not dismayed. For I am Thy God and will still give Thee aid. I'll strengthen thee, bless thee, and cause thee to stand upheld by my righteous omnipotent hand".
There have been many times, and many more times yet to come, where I have been, and will be, literally strengthened, blessed, and held up by His hand. And for that I am grateful.
I love your blog! I just read the whole thing. I have read little pieces here and there but due to my "no Computer-ness," I haven't had the time to comment. So here's my comment:
ReplyDeleteYou are AMAZING!!! I have no idea what it is like to do what you're doing, and I can only imagine the hell that it is. I am proud of your optimism as I'm sure it's hard to see the good in anything right now. Your strength is (and has always been) second to none. I have no doubt that you can do this. I think it's awesome that you're putting it out there, for yourself and others.
Keep writing and writing and writing... and I LOVE YOU!!!
Thanks for the kind words Jame. You and the rest of our great fam are the awesome ones! I could not do this w/out all your love and support. Thank you for the prayers. I promise you, I feel them! This beast will be conquered!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Shar. If you ever feel up to walking please call me any time. Even if it is in the middle of the night. I'll bring the flashlight.
ReplyDelete