So many thoughts swirling everywhere in my brain. Trying to organize them seems rather impossible at the moment.
How funny that this getting of pills blog has taken a huge detour. I haven't written about pills for some time as they have not been on my mind at all. Until yesterday. It is very clear to me why getting of pills has been next to impossible in past attempts. Even when I was in rehab. I never felt good. Not only that, but felt quite bad. I always wondered why, when everyone else was on many kinds of drugs and much more potent. I'm not a wimpy person. What was going on? I was older they said. What about the 82 year old alcoholic? She did amazingly well. She wanted it more. She tried harder. She complied. That is what they said. I didn't know how to try any harder. I didn't know how not to be sick. I kept going. Until I got home and had to go back to work. I wish I knew the number of times I told my doc. Something isn't right. Hypochondriac was his thought I'm sure. Run some routine blood tests. Always normal. I was sick in the head. More pills will get her out of the office. More refills as well. That way he wouldn't have to deal with me for many months. I don't blame him. Most of these tests are very rare. A doctor has to be very aggressive. Maybe my symptoms were just too vague.
Getting to the bottom of all this has been quite the journey. I'm OK. Nothing scares me. There are miracles happening everywhere. I'm grateful I have had this summer to be sick. Knowledge is power. Now that i have the knowledge, I can fight and fight and fight and fight.
Bring it on!
It all makes perfect sense in hindsight, doesn't it? Your body had way more going on than you ever knew. Cheers to being sick and knowing your sick!
ReplyDeleteShar, I've been reading for a while but haven't left a comment. I just wanted to tell you that I think you are a wonderful woman. I truly admire the grace with which you seem to be handling your trials. And thank you for your honesty. I admire you and I hope you know that you are an inspiration to others. I sincerely hope you feel well soon!
ReplyDeleteHey Shar! It's Rachel! I found your blog just today from Jami's blog! It is good to find you. I think of your family often and miss you a ton! I am just hearing about your illness, I am sorry I didn't know earlier. So, are you saying they think you have an auto-immune disease? I hope you get some answers. You are one tough cookie and I know you will be strong and fight whatever is thrown at you. I can't help but remember that one summer when we went running everyday together and you kicked my 17 year old butt! I remember your determination, you are truly awesome.
ReplyDeleteLove ya! Rach