Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Lard butt!

I went to a beautiful cabin last weekend, one of those girl get-away things. There was old woman Shar with 3 other girls half my age. I love these gals! They make me feel young? but mostly they make me feel a part when I could be rather lonely. Most everyone in my neighborhood are 30 somethings.

Erica was asking me about being sick, which I really appreciated. She really wanted to know the deeper meaning than, How are you? It came up in the conversation that I have lost between 40 and 50 lbs since this whole thing started, not on purpose I might add. (I know! Can you freakin believe that!) Then she said, Didn't you used to weigh around 300? Hell no! Not even close! Did I look like I did? Erica, (While we were both laughing while a tear or two trickled down my chubby cheeks). I'm so sorry! I have no concept of weight. Me. Yeah, but 300?! Have you ever watched biggest loser?! THEN the snowmobile gets stuck.. Shar why don't you get off and walk and we'll meet you at the top. K. It was only a few feet, but the snowmobile wouldn't move till lard butt got off!

Oh no, I'm not finished yet. I get to Curtis' B ball game. One of the mom's comes up to me, I'm having this really fun party Wed night and want you to come. Are you busy? I always hate those questions. It depends on what the deal is if I'm busy or not. Just tell me up front. Sure enough, it was for some weight loss thing.

First of all, NO! I don't want to come! Why didn't you ask the fat man sitting a few rows in front of me? Or, Second of all, Don't EVVVVVERRRR ask ANYONE whose nose has some plastic tubing attached if they are interested in losing weight. There just may be a health issue involved. And with that health issue comes medicine. Lots and lots of medicine. One of those being prednisone. Take a moment to look up the side effects of this miracle drug from hell. It is quite a miracle that I have lost any weight being on that for as long as I have. And will be for the rest of my life, whatever that may be. Third, You will have a much better time selling a weight loss product if you FIRST have lost the weight you lard butt!

Geeish! I'm going to go have a cookie, or dozen.


  1. Laughing out Loud. And I'm so NOT sorry. Can't wait for the next cabin trip!

  2. Hahahahahahahaha! I can't stop laughing. I miss you, Shar.

  3. hahahah! I was JUST telling my mom that story from the cabin and I was laughing so hard. My mom kind of had a serious look on her face and said, "That doesn't seem very funny!" Must have been a "ya had to be there kind of moment!" I think you're beautiful....inside and out....300lbs or 80lbs! ;)- Love your guts!

  4. Clearly I can't figure out how to log out of my sisters account on this dumb lap top. But that comment was from me....Chiara...

  5. Ok, first off, I LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOU, all 300 pounds of you wink wink! And, in mine and Erica's defense, I didn't say get off the snowmobile because of the weight! It was going backwards!!
    Also, Brandon didn't think it was very funny either. You must of had to have been there! Ok, so when are we going again?!?!?! Soon I hope!

  6. Thanks for the laugh today. 300 lbs? C'mon, Erica! By the way, I love ya!

  7. Your friends are total RUDE BUTTS!! 300?! I'm pretty sure it was only 285.
    But I have to say I'm pretty jealous of your friends that are all my age, because THEY get to spend a weekend with YOU! I hope they know how lucky they are! I'm glad you have them.
    LOVE YOU, MOM!!... now come spend a weekend with ME!

  8. I was the fat man sitting a few rows in front of you. (not!)

    1. you are awesome Brent! That made me you my cuz! And loved seeing you at Craigs. Let's not wait another year to get together.