im.back

So,.I've been feeling.the need.to.write/keep.a.journal.for.a very long.time.  so.here goes. .last night I.happened upon my.good.friend/neighbor in west Jordan that.died of.scleroderma.4.years ago.  I.always read her posts, but my reaction was quite different this time.around.  I.didn't know.she.had.the.same.specialist I have.  Dr.Frech had.just.begun her practice.when Cathie.got.sick,.so.I.believe.she.only.had.her.the last.several years.  It's.really kind.of.weird reading.my.future.  it's different for.everyone, each.having our.own experience...she.was.fortunate.that.she.didn't have.depression.  I wish that would go away forever.  I'd pound my depression out and.leave it on my running trails.

Different than Cathi, was her need for connection.  She loved visitors and.she had many.  I'm just the opposite .  In fact, prefer being alone.  I'm isolating a.lot.  I be.perfectly happy listening to music staying in my pj's all day.  Ill get some things done but in small increments, as.I run out of energy.  Energy.  It's not really energy, it's more like oxygen.  My muscles use their supply up.  Then I reboot and try again.  I dread taking showers.  My stats drop a lot.  I have to.psych myself.up, for.hours.sometimes.  then add doing my hair.  For some.reason,.showering exhaustion is.a.commonality among us with.low oxygen, something.about.lifting.our arms.above our.hearts.

Well I've put.off.showering.since.10 this.morning.  I'm going with my mom and.sis.to.the.doc.  for.my.mom or.I'd.still.be.sitting here.  Take.that.back.  I'd be.sleeping.
Time to.get moving!