Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Do over

I visit the past too often, especially lately. High school. I am one of the crazy ones who would do it over and over and over yet again. I loved it. It was all about music and friends and skiing and Lake Powell and our little family cabin at Bear Lake. It was about going on crazy fun conventions/vacations with my family. It was about going on many funny little adventures with my friends. And I was blessed with SOOOO many GREAT friends. There were alot of us. Really. I've heard you can only have a few best friends. There were many best friends in our group.

I would have done some things different as well. That is a place I go too often. On days like today. What would be different? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I would have taken education more seriously. I would have graduated from college. I would have been a choir teacher. I would have liked to get my Phd in music. I would have minored in history. I love history. I would have loved teaching history as well. I would not have gotten married so young. Lots of my friends did. The Mormon culture thing I guess. i would have gone on adventures around the world, like trekking to the base of Mt Everest, or an African safari. Or a humanitarian mission in a third world country. Or skied the Swiss Alps. Or visited my ancestors in Sweden.

I pretty much had a fairy book childhood. I miss it sometimes. I miss it today. I want to be carefree and have my biggest worries be what boy I liked and if he liked me back. I want to worry about what I'm going to wear to prom, or if I'm going to be asked at all. I want to worry about whose turn it is to drive to the ski resort, or wonder if I'll be able to fake it at my piano lesson if I didn't practice so well that week. I loved to practice! I would play the piano all the time. I got to accompany the school choirs. I would sight read the music all the time and did a good job. My choir teacher was my piano teacher as well. John and I are going to visit Mr C next week. I look forward to that. He was a huge influence in my love of music. Mr C. And John and I were in madrigals and accapella together. We both love Mr C.

Well back to reality. I just feel sad and stressed and sick and tired, and sick of being sick. Sometimes I wish I could have a do-over. Do you?

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