Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Potatoes and other things funeral

I love to go to funerals. Not that I love the reason for the funeral, especially when it seems that a life was too short on this earth. Like the funeral I attended yesterday. Pat Aldrich. An incredibly sweet and dear woman. She was only 61. She was my neighbor. She was in my ward. She was fine a month ago. then got pneumonia and died. She seemed very quiet to me. I picture her sitting on the back row in Relief Society, not saying much. She was one of those who I imagine as a great listener because that is what she did so well. Or I picture her in the library getting chalk or pictures or books, or anything else anyone needed to teach their class. I imagine her just like that, getting whatever anyone needed to make life easier.

Pat and I rarely exchanged many words. But our last conversation went something like this. She put her arm around me and said "You sure gave us a scare. I am so glad to see you here doing so much better." During these last four weeks, I just knew I would be saying the same to her. She never came out of the hospital. Her death has been quite hard, as I keep thinking it should have been me. I am the sick one.

But God has a different plan I have to believe. I don't like His plan sometimes. But that's a different blog for a different time.

Back to why I love funerals. I never knew Pat was such a spit-fire. She was a sassy pants. I LOVE sassy pants. Maybe because I am. I found out that her motto is the same as mine, "don't ask for permission, just forgiveness". At Cathi's funeral a couple of months ago, her mom said how she had never heard Cathi raise her voice. Her son stood up and said, "Grandma never heard her raise her voice, but I sure did."

If you want to get to know someone, just go to their funeral. I got a brilliant idea. I think we should all have a funeral before we die.

I've planned mine. My kids have said my funeral will go on for about four hours, or longer. I said that was OK. (I don't particularly like long funerals unless it's mine of course). Mine is going to be all about music. I've let all the participants know. The music will be beautiful! Kate on the cello, Jason on the piano with his harmonica, the Crockers and their angelic voices. They are angels. And their mom, my first cousin and BFF on the piano. Curtis singing "You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan accompanied by Kelly DeHann. Curtis and I watched Tarzan all the time when he was little. Speaking of Kelly, I also want him to sing and play Now and Forever by Carly Simon, maybe Carole King. Jessica playing Sonata by Chip Davis on the piano. And maybe Nils singing "....serve, said serve..."

And then there are the talks. Ive got lots and lots of ideas. But I think something along the lines of a testimony meeting. Maybe a Sharstimony. Yay, or nay?

I want the place to be packed. Standing room only. Come on. Admit it. So do you. I would like my family to send out invitations. I would like the world to stop, or at least the state. I would like all the flags to be at half mast. I would like my death to make Entertainment Tonight, or some other news worthy show.

Now for what I don't want. I don't want the chapel to smell like funeral flowers. Is there another smell for flowers or do they all smell like funeral flowers when they are for a funeral? I would love it to smell like freshly cut grass, or the pine and streams and all other smells of the mountains. I want it to smell like the sidewalk after a rain storm or the lusciousness of the place on the neck of a new baby. Or the smell of bread baking in the oven.

I don't want it to cost a fortune. Why have some beautiful fluffy, comfortable box to lay in, just to have it put in the ground? And no open casket! Boo! What's up with the "And she looks so good." Who looks good when they're dead! K. I must admit. There are a very few that look better in death than life. Great makeup work people! I am great with a few pieces of 2 by 4's stapled together. Seriously! Take a big breath for this next one.....I would be so OK with being cremated. Donate whatever I can to science, though I don't think it would be anything now, and sprinkle the rest of me in the mountains. That would be easy AND cheap. Seriously!

And I don't want ham and jello, and especially not funeral potatoes. I like funeral potatoes, in fact, I love them. I just don't want them at my funeral. I want soup. All kinds, and great bread with real butter. Lots and lots of butter. In fact, more butter than bread. Anything chocolate, but chocolate mousse would be the best. Or maybe a chocolate fountain. My grandkids would love that. Oh, and I really love Chantel's cheese fondue. And vanilla coke to drink....not the kind that is already mixed, but coke and the vanilla flavoring. Yum! And make sure the coke is not diet! Actually, maybe skip the dinner altogether. Let's all go out. Maybe to a movie with popcorn and drinks. Yeah. Let's do that.

So how does that sound? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty worn out after my big day. I know. Let's just forget it all and go take a nap.


  1. hahaha - I am sooooooooo coming to your funeral! Sounds like the best party ever! Before you go though, can I hire you to plan MY funeral? thanks! ;)- You just made my day by the way.....

  2. I LOVE YOU!!!!! You are the BEST! I am smiling HUGE right now! Thank you! And BTW, I don't want a funeral... I want a huge Party and you are all invited, and Shar youre in charge!

  3. Sounds like a blast. I will be there. But I will not sing. That would ruin it. But I will have fun. And drink vanilla coke. And think only of you for all 4 hours. Deal?

  4. I don't remember you getting an invite to sing, Erin. Don't worry, I didn't either. I guess we'll be drinking Vanilla Cokes together while everyone else is singing, I mean, while the other kids who were invited to do music are doing their music. Whatever. Drinking coke is more fun.
    And Mom- I really like how you highlighted the strong points in this post.
    ... I could have at least been invited to play The Spinning Song or sing "said serve" with Nils. But it's okay.

  5. A "Sharstimony". Love it! I like the idea of soup and bread with LOTS of real butter. Yeah, a soup bar and a soda bar. I think Karaoke at the luncheon would be fun as well. Erin and I can do a duet.

  6. What a great post! Way funny! But seriously it is good that you have given your wishes before the big day, Suzie did and it made things much easier for all of us. I went to a Baptist funeral and it was called "Celebration of Life"...and that is what it should be. Love ya Shar, I hope that I am "invited" to your party.

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  8. OK...I need to comment...I will be the only one crying.....REAL TEARS....It is tough to sing and cry at the same time - just attend someone elses funeral, or try to sing along with handicapped kids when they are singing...I am a child of God.
    I could dance if asked....I could get the party started or maybe I won't be there...good chance...Maybe we could make a deal with ____to attend as "dead people" where everyone could see us....Like CASPER -
    Now that would be a funeral that everyone would remember except those drinking Vanila COKE. You never know what it is in it. LOL & LY & TIALS & who is going to conduct....NO CHURCH LEADER will allow it to go that long...and the take down committee would have already eaten the soup and butter and taken the left overs home to eat with their families who didn't attend....SHAME

  9. I will poor my cheese fondue into your mouth right before they close the box. Then it will be the first thing you taste after you are resurrected. Mmmm...

  10. I will be working in the kitchen with my mother at your funeral or should I say "Rememberance Concert".... Still working off my years of piano lessons. Laughing myself to tears right now. You got it just right. I'm with you 100% on all of this. And I don't know who CC Fawson is, but they've got the right idea too... but would you mind shoving some of Shar's "better than sex cake" in my mouth after I die so that it's the first thing I taste when I'm resurrected?