Monday, October 4, 2010


I had a great weekend! I was honored to be involved in a wedding of one of my BFF's son's at Log Haven, up the beautiful Millcreek Canyon. That night Ron and his brothers and their sons went to the conference center for the Priesthood session. Then out to dinner afterwards. I admit. I enjoy the alone time to do whatever I want. (I do that anyway!) Many ideas, such as shopping, kept running through my head but I opted to watch the Sat morning conference session. I can't be guilted into anything, except making dinner for Curtis, so my choice to watch was because I really wanted to.

I loved conference. Probably one of my favorites. I was deeply touched by many of the talks. Many hit close to home. I'll first get to the one that got me and most of my fam in a way that wasn't so good, quite unsettling actually. You know the one I'm talking about. It's already the scuttlebutt on the internet and within the Mormon gay community. The church has made much progress in their teachings of homosexuality, and I felt this talk put us many steps back again. Our daughter Chelsea is a gifted writer and expresses her feelings so well. I ditto all she said about it on her blog. I could go on and on about what a beautiful human she is, but you can capture that yourself by reading her blog. (Don't know how to link it. If anyone out there does, link her post in the comments please.)

Then comes Pres Ballard's talk on addiction, prescription pain pill specifically. My heart ached, and I cried for the woman he spoke about. She lost everything. What started as an innocent and legitimate need, became her master. She was the slave. She was in bondage. I pray she has found her way out of her prison. As most know, I was addicted to pain pills for many many years. (See first posts if you want to read about my journey) I know that the problem is great. And addiction to pain pills, especially for women, is way way too high for members of the LDS church. And we are not alone. It is a worldwide huge problem! Know that there is a way out. And if I can talk to, or help in any way, please please please let me know. I understand. Please read Pres Ballard's talk. It was full of hope and love.

I loved Pres. Holland's talk. I always love his talks. But I loved Pres. Monson's talk on gratitude most of all. Now back to the wedding up Millcreek Canyon. I love the mountains. I love nature. I love this time of year. I love all the colors of Autumn. I love the sound of rushing water, of birds singing, of trees rustling in the wind. I love the smell of pine in the air. I love the wild flowers that are getting ready for their winter nap. I was filled with such gratitude. I was thinking of a friend who commented that my disease must be a very tough thing to handle every day. Sure. I wish I wasn't sick. I wish I had the energy to do things I used to do. I don't especially like looking like a blowfish face, or that Darth Vader is a constant companion. BUT, would I be the person I am today had I not gotten sick? I like who am so much better now. I'm more calm. (I know. That kind of happens when you can't breath. No more yelling and screaming around my house! well, sometimes.) I appreciate simplicity. I'm content with what I have. (Except I really really want a grand piano. That will never change..) I'm more in love with my husband than I have ever been. I feel peace. I have come to see that God's plan is perfect and personal. I so love and appreciate each member of my family. I have experienced their love and care for me though it has been difficult many times, as I should be the one giving and serving as they are doing. With that comes the lessons I have received from being on the "taking" end of service. It has taught me humility.

There are many other lessons I have learned. Could I have learned in any other way? I don't know. Would I trade these lessons, or who I am now, for good health? I should probably say no, but I don't know the answer to that either. What I do know, is this is the way it is, and I am grateful. Very very grateful. Would I trade being BFF's with Nemo and Darth? Yes! I would.


  1. Hi Mom,
    I read this today and thought of you. Sister Hinckley said it.

    "We women have a lot to learn about simplifying our lives. We have to decide what is important and then move along at a pace that is comfortable for us. We have to develop the maturity to stop trying to prove something. We have to learn to be content with what we are."

    "I don't want to drive up to the pearly gates in a shiny sports car, wearing beautifully, tailored clothes, my hair expertly coiffed, and with long, perfectly manicured fingernails. I want to drive up in a station wagon that has mud on the wheels from taking kids to scout camp. I want to be there with a smudge of peanut butter on my shirt from making sandwiches for a sick neighbors children.
    I want to be there with a little dirt under my fingernails from helping to weed some-one's garden. I want to be there with children's sticky kisses on my cheeks and the tears of a friend on my shoulder. I want the Lord to know I was really here and that I really lived."

    You will show the Lord that you really lived. No doubt.

  2. I was going to say something clever and funny- because I am clever and funny. But then I read Chel's comment and thought about what you said. Now I'm sitting here crying like a baby. I LOVE my family! I learn the most important lessons from you guys everyday. I am so grateful to be part of the greatest family in the world.
    I love you, mom! You are the greatest human in the world!

  3. Okay- and Nemo is a clown fish- not a blowfish. I think the blowfish's name in Finding Nemo is 'Bloat.' Get it straight, Bloat!