January and I don't get along. I don't even try anymore. I have come to grips that we have a hate hate relationship. What is there good about January? Not a darn thing as I see it. New beginnings. Whatever. New years resolutions. Stupid. Inversions. Hate. Air you can slice with a knife. Deadly. Skiing. I haven't been in years. But, that was one good thing about Jan. back in the day. I had a seasons pass every year and skied every Saturday. Fun. Actually, awesome.
But this January seems to be worse than ever. We just got the Christmas tree down last night. Man, isn't it weird how something you love becomes a "raspberry seed in your wisdom tooth"? SO annoying. I have been spending most of my days in bed, or at least on the couch. I have literally felt awful. It seems I can't take 10 steps without my muscles, or what I left of them, killing me. And so out of breath. I feel my body deteriorating in a hurry. I couldn't even make it to one of Curtis' b ball games last week. That never happens. I pray for patience. I've decided that isn't a good idea anymore. You know, the old, be careful what you pray for. Maybe I'll pray to start being grateful for January. I don't think so. i don't even want to be grateful to such a horrible excuse for a month. Our relationship is OVER! Unless, or course, I start skiing again. Then I'll think about it. But not until I get an apology.
Let's just blame my feeling so horrible on January. January doesn't even deserve to be capitalized anymore.
So, bring on Feb. and Valentines Day. Let's skip january altogether from now on. Yeah, that's what I'm going to do.
No spell check. january is NOT capitalized! even at the beginning of a sentence.
Oh Shar, how I love you!!! And how I remember talking about how much we dislike January. I can see this year has been terrible for you. My January has been - dare I say it - almost wonderful!! Only having an infection and those gray cloudy days keep it from being a perfect month this year for me.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry you are feeling so miserable. I remember those days, when it hurt to roll over, but I would lay in bed and roll from side to side to try to make the pain go away. does your doctor know you are in this kind of shape? have they suggested anything? I was usually told to take more prednisone about this point, and was glad for it. It made a huge difference. Is there a reason you can't? Or won't?
Mortality can be such a nightmare. I always wondered why the words "and if the very jaws of hell shall gape open after thee, know this my Son, all these things shall be for thy good" was supposed to be such a comfort to us. While I was in the pain I never felt that they were a comfort - BUT they did bring hope. Hope that it was all going to be worth it. And they continue to bring hope and comfort too. Comfort that what others have gone through and still lived - and wanted to keep living - was worse than what I was enduring, so I would keep trying.
Know that my thoughts and prayers are with you. I don't know how, but one of these days we will talk.
Hugs, hugs, hugs!!!
Cathi :-)
I just found your blog. I love you! You are a dear friend. Hang in there, cause I know you are one tough cookie.
ReplyDeleteDear Shar,
ReplyDeleteI apologize. Please forgive me. But you know, it's not easy being January. December is a hard act to follow...kinda like having a skinny cute mom. Oh.
Try to think of me in new ways. Here I'll help:
j is for Jesus. I tried other names and things like Jeff Judkins, or Jupiter, but really . . . Jesus is the one who will be by your side.
A is for Allred. Who made him the expert on sexy anyway?
N is for nie nie dialougues. If you don't know about her, check out her blog.
U is for the unconditional love you give your kids and everyone you know. You don't realize what a gift you give the world.
A is for amazing. Truly amazing Shar Bear.
R is for refreshing -- your candor and self honesty.
Y is for You, my dear. You!
Now can I have my capital J back?
P.S. Only two more days til February, when you'll get all the lovin you deserve.