Dear Cathi,
Congratulations! You made it. Your graduation day, as you always referred to it as, was Mon. Nov. 1st, the day you passed from this life to the next. So many things I would like you to know.
The last time I came to see you was about one month ago. You were not having a good day so I only stayed a few minutes. You were also intent on listening to Stake Conference which had been piped into your home. I really wanted to come back, but just couldn't. Of anyone, I knew you would understand. I knew the time was very, very close.
Today as I was lying in bed, I thought of some of the times we shared. We were pregnant together, more than once. Bryson and Andy would have been the same age. When I lost Andy, you brought me over a beautiful CD of hymn arrangements. I wore it out. When I was pregnant with Curtis, you brought me dinner, not after I had him, but the week before. How sweet.
We both dreaded January. For others it is a time of starting fresh. For us it was a letdown. You always complimented me on my garden. When Christopher was getting home from his mission, I was lucky enough to come and plant and weed for you, though you were not supposed to find out who it was.
More than anything, you taught me how to live with patience, purpose in the smallest of things, and long suffering. In dying you taught me quiet dignity and endurance, relying on a power heaven sent, because it was constantly sought after.
I'm happy for you Cathi, for you suffered, and now, that suffering is over. I pray for your family knowing that they will be OK. They had the greatest teacher.
I love you.
Shar
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
Johnny and his friends
I woke up yesterday morning and noticed a few more deformities caused by MCTD. When I pointed them out to Ron I commented that it won't be long before he won't recognize me. He tenderly replied that he will always recognize and love me just the way I am. He then asked me if I felt any joy. Yes I do. All in all, as noted in previous posts, I am doing quite well.
Which brings me to Johnny. He is my Downs Syndrome nephew. I was lucky enough to attend his Special Olympics basketball game last Saturday. To watch all these kids (and I say kids though there was a gentleman who had to be in his late 60's) play their little hearts out was truly inspiring. Katie. She made her very first ever, basket. Jerry, or his name might have been Terry. Jason. He is around 47ish, very short. Under 5' I think. Running up and down the court clapping trying to get the fans involved. Another girl all decked out in her sports goggles. That was all she needed to feel like a winner. And Remi, short for Remmington. We sat by his dad. He kept almost losing his shorts. And Heidi was there to watch, though she never saw the game. She kept her head bent down always looking at the ground with those sad dark eyes. She is autistic. She won't ever speak. She is painfully shy. literally. Her mom was so darling. Her countenance radiated love, just like my sister.
And of course John, my sweet nephew. He's 20 yrs old. He would run up and down the court. You know his coach told him where his spot was cause he would run to it every time, and stay there. John shoots underhanded, as do many of the players. He came soooo close several times but the shots just didn't fall that day. He's a great shooter.
Then there was Bryan. Bryan looked to be the most physically disabled on the team. His left arm was completely immobile. It took it's place at his side, elbow bent at a 90 degree angle, and his hand hung at another 90 degree angle as well. And it was so thin, I'm sure from muscles that had never been used. His legs were very bent. His knees were so knocked that he would have to take an extra swinging motion just to get around each one to walk/run. As if that were not enough, his feet pointed in to one another, yet another obstacle to navigate with each step. Bryan looked like he could have cerebral palsy.
Bryan made one of the three baskets of the entire game. A hook shot because he only had the use of one arm. He was the first to run up and down the court in his ackward kind of way. He knew how to defend. He would put his arm up in the face of his 6'3-5 opponents. Yeah, the other team had some TALL players! Thus, only the 3 baskets for our Huskies. I commented to my sis how inspired I was by Bryan. She told me that his mother was told he would never walk. NEVER! As I said, he was running.
The Huskies lost. The score was 6 to 30 something. John wished he would have made a basket but he and the whole team felt like winners. Because they are. i learned so much last Sat morning, by sitting and watching and cheering. They are so dear and innocent. Which reminds me of one of my favorite stories. One day John got out of the shower and came walking out without a towel. Linda told him he needed to remember to wrap a towel around him next time. So the next day, sure enough, he came walking out with a towel, wrapped around his head!
God bless these sweet people. Actually, God bless the rest of us. for we will be the ones who really need those blessings.
Which brings me to Johnny. He is my Downs Syndrome nephew. I was lucky enough to attend his Special Olympics basketball game last Saturday. To watch all these kids (and I say kids though there was a gentleman who had to be in his late 60's) play their little hearts out was truly inspiring. Katie. She made her very first ever, basket. Jerry, or his name might have been Terry. Jason. He is around 47ish, very short. Under 5' I think. Running up and down the court clapping trying to get the fans involved. Another girl all decked out in her sports goggles. That was all she needed to feel like a winner. And Remi, short for Remmington. We sat by his dad. He kept almost losing his shorts. And Heidi was there to watch, though she never saw the game. She kept her head bent down always looking at the ground with those sad dark eyes. She is autistic. She won't ever speak. She is painfully shy. literally. Her mom was so darling. Her countenance radiated love, just like my sister.
And of course John, my sweet nephew. He's 20 yrs old. He would run up and down the court. You know his coach told him where his spot was cause he would run to it every time, and stay there. John shoots underhanded, as do many of the players. He came soooo close several times but the shots just didn't fall that day. He's a great shooter.
Then there was Bryan. Bryan looked to be the most physically disabled on the team. His left arm was completely immobile. It took it's place at his side, elbow bent at a 90 degree angle, and his hand hung at another 90 degree angle as well. And it was so thin, I'm sure from muscles that had never been used. His legs were very bent. His knees were so knocked that he would have to take an extra swinging motion just to get around each one to walk/run. As if that were not enough, his feet pointed in to one another, yet another obstacle to navigate with each step. Bryan looked like he could have cerebral palsy.
Bryan made one of the three baskets of the entire game. A hook shot because he only had the use of one arm. He was the first to run up and down the court in his ackward kind of way. He knew how to defend. He would put his arm up in the face of his 6'3-5 opponents. Yeah, the other team had some TALL players! Thus, only the 3 baskets for our Huskies. I commented to my sis how inspired I was by Bryan. She told me that his mother was told he would never walk. NEVER! As I said, he was running.
The Huskies lost. The score was 6 to 30 something. John wished he would have made a basket but he and the whole team felt like winners. Because they are. i learned so much last Sat morning, by sitting and watching and cheering. They are so dear and innocent. Which reminds me of one of my favorite stories. One day John got out of the shower and came walking out without a towel. Linda told him he needed to remember to wrap a towel around him next time. So the next day, sure enough, he came walking out with a towel, wrapped around his head!
God bless these sweet people. Actually, God bless the rest of us. for we will be the ones who really need those blessings.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Gratitude
I had a great weekend! I was honored to be involved in a wedding of one of my BFF's son's at Log Haven, up the beautiful Millcreek Canyon. That night Ron and his brothers and their sons went to the conference center for the Priesthood session. Then out to dinner afterwards. I admit. I enjoy the alone time to do whatever I want. (I do that anyway!) Many ideas, such as shopping, kept running through my head but I opted to watch the Sat morning conference session. I can't be guilted into anything, except making dinner for Curtis, so my choice to watch was because I really wanted to.
I loved conference. Probably one of my favorites. I was deeply touched by many of the talks. Many hit close to home. I'll first get to the one that got me and most of my fam in a way that wasn't so good, quite unsettling actually. You know the one I'm talking about. It's already the scuttlebutt on the internet and within the Mormon gay community. The church has made much progress in their teachings of homosexuality, and I felt this talk put us many steps back again. Our daughter Chelsea is a gifted writer and expresses her feelings so well. I ditto all she said about it on her blog. I could go on and on about what a beautiful human she is, but you can capture that yourself by reading her blog. (Don't know how to link it. If anyone out there does, link her post in the comments please.)
Then comes Pres Ballard's talk on addiction, prescription pain pill specifically. My heart ached, and I cried for the woman he spoke about. She lost everything. What started as an innocent and legitimate need, became her master. She was the slave. She was in bondage. I pray she has found her way out of her prison. As most know, I was addicted to pain pills for many many years. (See first posts if you want to read about my journey) I know that the problem is great. And addiction to pain pills, especially for women, is way way too high for members of the LDS church. And we are not alone. It is a worldwide huge problem! Know that there is a way out. And if I can talk to, or help in any way, please please please let me know. I understand. Please read Pres Ballard's talk. It was full of hope and love.
I loved Pres. Holland's talk. I always love his talks. But I loved Pres. Monson's talk on gratitude most of all. Now back to the wedding up Millcreek Canyon. I love the mountains. I love nature. I love this time of year. I love all the colors of Autumn. I love the sound of rushing water, of birds singing, of trees rustling in the wind. I love the smell of pine in the air. I love the wild flowers that are getting ready for their winter nap. I was filled with such gratitude. I was thinking of a friend who commented that my disease must be a very tough thing to handle every day. Sure. I wish I wasn't sick. I wish I had the energy to do things I used to do. I don't especially like looking like a blowfish face, or that Darth Vader is a constant companion. BUT, would I be the person I am today had I not gotten sick? I like who am so much better now. I'm more calm. (I know. That kind of happens when you can't breath. No more yelling and screaming around my house! well, sometimes.) I appreciate simplicity. I'm content with what I have. (Except I really really want a grand piano. That will never change..) I'm more in love with my husband than I have ever been. I feel peace. I have come to see that God's plan is perfect and personal. I so love and appreciate each member of my family. I have experienced their love and care for me though it has been difficult many times, as I should be the one giving and serving as they are doing. With that comes the lessons I have received from being on the "taking" end of service. It has taught me humility.
There are many other lessons I have learned. Could I have learned in any other way? I don't know. Would I trade these lessons, or who I am now, for good health? I should probably say no, but I don't know the answer to that either. What I do know, is this is the way it is, and I am grateful. Very very grateful. Would I trade being BFF's with Nemo and Darth? Yes! I would.
I loved conference. Probably one of my favorites. I was deeply touched by many of the talks. Many hit close to home. I'll first get to the one that got me and most of my fam in a way that wasn't so good, quite unsettling actually. You know the one I'm talking about. It's already the scuttlebutt on the internet and within the Mormon gay community. The church has made much progress in their teachings of homosexuality, and I felt this talk put us many steps back again. Our daughter Chelsea is a gifted writer and expresses her feelings so well. I ditto all she said about it on her blog. I could go on and on about what a beautiful human she is, but you can capture that yourself by reading her blog. (Don't know how to link it. If anyone out there does, link her post in the comments please.)
Then comes Pres Ballard's talk on addiction, prescription pain pill specifically. My heart ached, and I cried for the woman he spoke about. She lost everything. What started as an innocent and legitimate need, became her master. She was the slave. She was in bondage. I pray she has found her way out of her prison. As most know, I was addicted to pain pills for many many years. (See first posts if you want to read about my journey) I know that the problem is great. And addiction to pain pills, especially for women, is way way too high for members of the LDS church. And we are not alone. It is a worldwide huge problem! Know that there is a way out. And if I can talk to, or help in any way, please please please let me know. I understand. Please read Pres Ballard's talk. It was full of hope and love.
I loved Pres. Holland's talk. I always love his talks. But I loved Pres. Monson's talk on gratitude most of all. Now back to the wedding up Millcreek Canyon. I love the mountains. I love nature. I love this time of year. I love all the colors of Autumn. I love the sound of rushing water, of birds singing, of trees rustling in the wind. I love the smell of pine in the air. I love the wild flowers that are getting ready for their winter nap. I was filled with such gratitude. I was thinking of a friend who commented that my disease must be a very tough thing to handle every day. Sure. I wish I wasn't sick. I wish I had the energy to do things I used to do. I don't especially like looking like a blowfish face, or that Darth Vader is a constant companion. BUT, would I be the person I am today had I not gotten sick? I like who am so much better now. I'm more calm. (I know. That kind of happens when you can't breath. No more yelling and screaming around my house! well, sometimes.) I appreciate simplicity. I'm content with what I have. (Except I really really want a grand piano. That will never change..) I'm more in love with my husband than I have ever been. I feel peace. I have come to see that God's plan is perfect and personal. I so love and appreciate each member of my family. I have experienced their love and care for me though it has been difficult many times, as I should be the one giving and serving as they are doing. With that comes the lessons I have received from being on the "taking" end of service. It has taught me humility.
There are many other lessons I have learned. Could I have learned in any other way? I don't know. Would I trade these lessons, or who I am now, for good health? I should probably say no, but I don't know the answer to that either. What I do know, is this is the way it is, and I am grateful. Very very grateful. Would I trade being BFF's with Nemo and Darth? Yes! I would.
Thursday, September 16, 2010
The joys of oxy-gyn, not contin
I have noticed how very nice and helpful people are, more than before oxy. Checkers always ask me if I would like the drive-up service. Uh...sure. I'm on oxygen you know. Standing in long lines gets me at least sympathetic looks. Or maybe just pathetic. Sometimes I just butt to the front and when I get dirty looks I respond with, Can't you see I'm on oxygen? Duh! Even the security guard at the DMV told me to have a nice day as I walked out. What! I didn't think they could speak! At the ice cream store the clerk said, I see you're on oxygen. Would you like another scoop for free? Sure. And how about my poor son who has a mom on oxy. Can he as well? And can I get a coupon for a free cone for my husband since he isn't here? And really. It would be so helpful if my family and I could get ice cream free for the rest of my life. Of course. This establishment is oxygen friendly. When I make mistakes of any kind, it's because of lack of oxygen. When the dishes aren't done and beds aren't made,..you know, I'm OO. Or when I don't fix dinner. I know I know, I rarely fixed dinner before, but I get a little more mileage out of it now.
My favorite of all was when Jami and I were 1/2 hour away from her new home in Minnesota. It was 11:30 at night. The kids had had it. The car was packed SOOO tight, we couldn't fit the pool floaties in without deflating them. And, I had all my oxy stuff. Anyway, Jame was driving rather quickly and sure enough, we got pulled over. Cop. Did know you were speeding? Jame. No shit Sherlock! Take a look in here. You would have been too! (K. Slight embellishment) Can I see your licence? Uh, I don't have one. I mean, I lost it. But I have my passport. Cop. Where are you going? Jame. I don't know. We are moving from Utah. Cop. What is the address? Jame. I don't know. C. You're moving and you don't know the address? J. No. What's so weird about that! C. Do you have anything with the address on it? J. No. I pipe in. We do have google maps. C. Let me see that and your passport. Me as cop is walking back to car. Oh, and I am almost out of oxygen so she was hurrying. C. Should I call an ambulance? Me. Uh.... no dork. I'm just WANTING TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR! And guess what? We didn't get a ticket.
I think there is alot of oxygen envy out there. And with Halloween just around the corner, I see the look on my neighbor Charles' face when he hears the Darth Vadar sounds coming my way. Who wouldn't want to sound like Darth during October? or anytime for that matter. Yes. Every time a take a breath, which is fairly often, I sound like Darth. (I;ve learned to hold my breath during prayers at church. So please, keep em short. And the accessory options are all taken care of. Think about it. Nose ring, earrings and necklace all in one. Try and beat that!
So I've decided that I will share the joy. If you're in a hurry and need to speed, give me a call. If you want to get free chocolate or books or clothes, give me a call. (You try asking first then let me know how it goes) If your children are driving you nuts, tell them you can instantly turn them into Darth Vadar. If you want to lay around all day watching Days of Our Lives, (which I hope you are all doing regardless,) and not get anything done, give me a call.
Oh yes, things are lookin good!
My favorite of all was when Jami and I were 1/2 hour away from her new home in Minnesota. It was 11:30 at night. The kids had had it. The car was packed SOOO tight, we couldn't fit the pool floaties in without deflating them. And, I had all my oxy stuff. Anyway, Jame was driving rather quickly and sure enough, we got pulled over. Cop. Did know you were speeding? Jame. No shit Sherlock! Take a look in here. You would have been too! (K. Slight embellishment) Can I see your licence? Uh, I don't have one. I mean, I lost it. But I have my passport. Cop. Where are you going? Jame. I don't know. We are moving from Utah. Cop. What is the address? Jame. I don't know. C. You're moving and you don't know the address? J. No. What's so weird about that! C. Do you have anything with the address on it? J. No. I pipe in. We do have google maps. C. Let me see that and your passport. Me as cop is walking back to car. Oh, and I am almost out of oxygen so she was hurrying. C. Should I call an ambulance? Me. Uh.... no dork. I'm just WANTING TO GET OUT OF THIS CAR! And guess what? We didn't get a ticket.
I think there is alot of oxygen envy out there. And with Halloween just around the corner, I see the look on my neighbor Charles' face when he hears the Darth Vadar sounds coming my way. Who wouldn't want to sound like Darth during October? or anytime for that matter. Yes. Every time a take a breath, which is fairly often, I sound like Darth. (I;ve learned to hold my breath during prayers at church. So please, keep em short. And the accessory options are all taken care of. Think about it. Nose ring, earrings and necklace all in one. Try and beat that!
So I've decided that I will share the joy. If you're in a hurry and need to speed, give me a call. If you want to get free chocolate or books or clothes, give me a call. (You try asking first then let me know how it goes) If your children are driving you nuts, tell them you can instantly turn them into Darth Vadar. If you want to lay around all day watching Days of Our Lives, (which I hope you are all doing regardless,) and not get anything done, give me a call.
Oh yes, things are lookin good!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Update
It's been just over a year now. And I have been horrible about blogging which I want to change. So, I will.
Many people ask how I'm doing. I try with all that's in me to stay positive. With that being said, I am going to try and give an honest lowdown, (Is lowdown a word, and if so, is it one word or two? Just askin) I had a really great summer. I spent lots of time with my grand kiddos. They have a way of making everything better. They lived with us for about 6 months. It was a treasured time. It was a time where Jami and I really bonded in a way we had not before. We laughed, cried, and cried some more, talked (though I wish we would have talked more) watched trash television, went to the pool, (many times); basically she and the kids got me out of bed doing. What a great blessing. The house has been very quiet since they moved out.
Anyway, back to how I'm doing. I can't quite remember if it was the end of July or August. It doesn't matter. My toes and feet started turning all these funky colors. It was kind of cool having a built in rainbow! But I knew something wasn't right. And it wasn't. after taking a biopsy of my toe, it came back that i had auto immune vasculitis, whatever that is. The doc was quite concerned as it could go to major organs, and that wouldn't be good. When he said I had to up my prednisone 8x's, Tears started streaming. He also put me on yet another heavy duty auto immune suppressant. It made me really sick so I wouldn't take it. The trade off is worth it to me. I want to live while I'm living even if it means taking a few years off my life. So far so good. Other things that have been going on. I have numbness in the right side of my face and mouth. Speaking of mouth, something is going on. Heat and cold really hurt it. Chocolate makes that all better. It makes everything better! One thing that is really hard on me is my what I call brain freeze. In my mind I have always been so funny and witty, (Come on. You know it's true!) words would just come to me. Not now. I can't think of the most simple of words. I taught a relief society lesson a few weeks ago. I used to do that kind of thing rather easily but I totally bombed this time. Someone commented after that they had heard me teach before and that she knew I used to be able to. I wasn't in the least bit offended. It's true. And I can still play a mean piano! Sometimes. Though I never play anymore.. It takes me all day to accomplish fairly minor chores like cleaning the kitchen and family room. It took me hours with many breaks. But I did it. Right? I get out of breath and my heart races. My oxygen hasn't been as good as it was the beginning of the summer. But that's ok too.
More than anything, I get down sometimes. Especially lately. I have a dear friend who has a disease similar to mine. I read her updates daily. She has such an incredible attitude. She is 80 lbs now and has pretty much round the clock care. She has lost her hearing in one ear, and the other is having problems. She wasn't expected to make it through last year. She still goes on. She has a productive life doing small projects as she can. I get sad and scared when I read her updates. I fear that that will be me in the future. It's not the dying that scares me. It's the living on and on like that. As I told Curtis, I don't know how to be a spectator.
I am still fairly new into this whole sick thing. Nils asked me last night if I feel like a well person with sick days, or a sick person with good days. I said the later though I don't really know yet. I dream of great runs or doing other things I have always loved to do. In the morning between the time of being both asleep and awake, I think, I'm going a run. It's such a beautiful day. Then I wake up all the way and reality hits me.
So my goal is to set goals, to find passion in my life, maybe to be a well person with sick days would be the way to go. Yep, that's what I need to do though I feel even as I'm typing, that that isn't an honest answer.
Thank you all for your continual love support and prayers for me and my family. I'm ok and it is my favorite time of year you know!
Many people ask how I'm doing. I try with all that's in me to stay positive. With that being said, I am going to try and give an honest lowdown, (Is lowdown a word, and if so, is it one word or two? Just askin) I had a really great summer. I spent lots of time with my grand kiddos. They have a way of making everything better. They lived with us for about 6 months. It was a treasured time. It was a time where Jami and I really bonded in a way we had not before. We laughed, cried, and cried some more, talked (though I wish we would have talked more) watched trash television, went to the pool, (many times); basically she and the kids got me out of bed doing. What a great blessing. The house has been very quiet since they moved out.
Anyway, back to how I'm doing. I can't quite remember if it was the end of July or August. It doesn't matter. My toes and feet started turning all these funky colors. It was kind of cool having a built in rainbow! But I knew something wasn't right. And it wasn't. after taking a biopsy of my toe, it came back that i had auto immune vasculitis, whatever that is. The doc was quite concerned as it could go to major organs, and that wouldn't be good. When he said I had to up my prednisone 8x's, Tears started streaming. He also put me on yet another heavy duty auto immune suppressant. It made me really sick so I wouldn't take it. The trade off is worth it to me. I want to live while I'm living even if it means taking a few years off my life. So far so good. Other things that have been going on. I have numbness in the right side of my face and mouth. Speaking of mouth, something is going on. Heat and cold really hurt it. Chocolate makes that all better. It makes everything better! One thing that is really hard on me is my what I call brain freeze. In my mind I have always been so funny and witty, (Come on. You know it's true!) words would just come to me. Not now. I can't think of the most simple of words. I taught a relief society lesson a few weeks ago. I used to do that kind of thing rather easily but I totally bombed this time. Someone commented after that they had heard me teach before and that she knew I used to be able to. I wasn't in the least bit offended. It's true. And I can still play a mean piano! Sometimes. Though I never play anymore.. It takes me all day to accomplish fairly minor chores like cleaning the kitchen and family room. It took me hours with many breaks. But I did it. Right? I get out of breath and my heart races. My oxygen hasn't been as good as it was the beginning of the summer. But that's ok too.
More than anything, I get down sometimes. Especially lately. I have a dear friend who has a disease similar to mine. I read her updates daily. She has such an incredible attitude. She is 80 lbs now and has pretty much round the clock care. She has lost her hearing in one ear, and the other is having problems. She wasn't expected to make it through last year. She still goes on. She has a productive life doing small projects as she can. I get sad and scared when I read her updates. I fear that that will be me in the future. It's not the dying that scares me. It's the living on and on like that. As I told Curtis, I don't know how to be a spectator.
I am still fairly new into this whole sick thing. Nils asked me last night if I feel like a well person with sick days, or a sick person with good days. I said the later though I don't really know yet. I dream of great runs or doing other things I have always loved to do. In the morning between the time of being both asleep and awake, I think, I'm going a run. It's such a beautiful day. Then I wake up all the way and reality hits me.
So my goal is to set goals, to find passion in my life, maybe to be a well person with sick days would be the way to go. Yep, that's what I need to do though I feel even as I'm typing, that that isn't an honest answer.
Thank you all for your continual love support and prayers for me and my family. I'm ok and it is my favorite time of year you know!
Friday, August 27, 2010
Change
I've never been a fan of change. Think about it. Change a diaper. Yuck. Change a bad habit to good. Hard. Change at the grocery store. Pennies. They are useless. I vacuum them up. It takes too much time trying to dig them out of the carpet. Nickels and dimes? About the same. Quarters. Now they are worth the effort. They are actually useful. Changing clothes. Usually because I don't like what I'm wearing. Or it doesn't like me.
There are all kinds of change. I just drove with Jami and the kiddos to Minnesota for their next big adventure. Change in all that is comforable, in all that is safe. The drive was beautiful. I loved seeing a different part of the country, a change from what I have ever seen. I loved seeing Mt. Rushmore. I was filled with such a great love of our nation. I loved seeing the rolling acres and acres of farmland and felt grateful for the food that magically appears in the grocery stores.
And I loved seeing the Lamborn's new place of residence. Their home is very lovely, and spacious, a change from what they've been used to. The view from their back window is spectacular. No mountains for a change. But fields of greenery and towering pines. Tol and I went exploring in them yesterday. I am so excited for Jami and somewhat envious that they have this opportunity. I know there will be times when it will be hard. For all of us.
I know change is good. And I need to embrace it. It's about time, wouldn't you say? I'm trying, as my life has done a 180. I'm doing pretty well for the most part, but at times I feel sorry for myself and wish I was healthy so I could do what I have always loved doing....being active. With that being said, I am a fighter.
My prayers are with my children, especially Jami right now, that they will learn how great and exciting change can be.
's
There are all kinds of change. I just drove with Jami and the kiddos to Minnesota for their next big adventure. Change in all that is comforable, in all that is safe. The drive was beautiful. I loved seeing a different part of the country, a change from what I have ever seen. I loved seeing Mt. Rushmore. I was filled with such a great love of our nation. I loved seeing the rolling acres and acres of farmland and felt grateful for the food that magically appears in the grocery stores.
And I loved seeing the Lamborn's new place of residence. Their home is very lovely, and spacious, a change from what they've been used to. The view from their back window is spectacular. No mountains for a change. But fields of greenery and towering pines. Tol and I went exploring in them yesterday. I am so excited for Jami and somewhat envious that they have this opportunity. I know there will be times when it will be hard. For all of us.
I know change is good. And I need to embrace it. It's about time, wouldn't you say? I'm trying, as my life has done a 180. I'm doing pretty well for the most part, but at times I feel sorry for myself and wish I was healthy so I could do what I have always loved doing....being active. With that being said, I am a fighter.
My prayers are with my children, especially Jami right now, that they will learn how great and exciting change can be.
's
Monday, May 17, 2010
Organio or Pianorgan...Whatever!
Those of you who are pianists will fill my pain. Yesterday I was asked to play that, whatever it is, in Relief Society. (I was so happy to feel like I was contributing in some very small way.) So I sit down and start to play. No sound. Oh yeah. I have to turn it on first. Who turns on a piano! Where is that power switch? I am not accustomed to turning on my piano. Then some horrible ghastly sound comes out. Freak! What have I done? I know. I have ruined any kind of reverence that may have been there. And all the notes were correct. It was too loud and just plain ugly! You would think I could play softer and the organio would respond respectively. But no. Now what do I do? There must be some kind of volume control on this thing. Oh good. There it is. I think I will slide the notch to the third bar. Too soft. OK the fifth. Too loud. The fourth. Not loud enough but it will have to do. Then the prelude begins. YUCK! is all can hear. Even when played perfectly.
Maybe that's the problem....It's all too perfect. Or all the same. There is no "music" in this kind of music. I would say instrument, but it makes me cringe to call it an instrument.
What would Beethoven or Mozart or any of the masters think of this thing? I don't think pianos or organs like it too well either. I bet it's very confusing to the organio. I mean, what would you call it? Musexual or organiosexual? Yeah, that's what I would call it, organiosexual.
No wonder it has a horrible sound. It is confused and frustrated. It needs to come out of the musical closet.
Actually, it needs to go back in the closet never to be heard from again.
Maybe that's the problem....It's all too perfect. Or all the same. There is no "music" in this kind of music. I would say instrument, but it makes me cringe to call it an instrument.
What would Beethoven or Mozart or any of the masters think of this thing? I don't think pianos or organs like it too well either. I bet it's very confusing to the organio. I mean, what would you call it? Musexual or organiosexual? Yeah, that's what I would call it, organiosexual.
No wonder it has a horrible sound. It is confused and frustrated. It needs to come out of the musical closet.
Actually, it needs to go back in the closet never to be heard from again.
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