So,.I've been feeling.the need.to.write/keep.a.journal.for.a very long.time. so.here goes. .last night I.happened upon my.good.friend/neighbor in west Jordan that.died of.scleroderma.4.years ago. I.always read her posts, but my reaction was quite different this time.around. I.didn't know.she.had.the.same.specialist I have. Dr.Frech had.just.begun her practice.when Cathie.got.sick,.so.I.believe.she.only.had.her.the last.several years. It's.really kind.of.weird reading.my.future. it's different for.everyone, each.having our.own experience...she.was.fortunate.that.she.didn't have.depression. I wish that would go away forever. I'd pound my depression out and.leave it on my running trails.
Different than Cathi, was her need for connection. She loved visitors and.she had many. I'm just the opposite . In fact, prefer being alone. I'm isolating a.lot. I be.perfectly happy listening to music staying in my pj's all day. Ill get some things done but in small increments, as.I run out of energy. Energy. It's not really energy, it's more like oxygen. My muscles use their supply up. Then I reboot and try again. I dread taking showers. My stats drop a lot. I have to.psych myself.up, for.hours.sometimes. then add doing my hair. For some.reason,.showering exhaustion is.a.commonality among us with.low oxygen, something.about.lifting.our arms.above our.hearts.
Well I've put.off.showering.since.10 this.morning. I'm going with my mom and.sis.to.the.doc. for.my.mom or.I'd.still.be.sitting here. Take.that.back. I'd be.sleeping.
Time to.get moving!
Monday, March 2, 2015
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
2 years..
It's been just over 2 years since I got on oxy. You'd think we'd be good friends by now. But really, I hate Darth more than ever! I've been going without it a lot lately pretending I don't need it. I keep my oxcimeter with me all the time to measure my stats. And than I'm shocked when my saturation has dropped and I'm out of breath and energy.
i think its strange that I'm having a harder time now than ever before. Mentally that is. Come on. This is what I do now. It's OK. I just don't know how to be sick. You'd think I'd figure it out after 21/2 years. And longer really.
The day is beautiful! I'll go for a walk. That is the best medicine of all.
i think its strange that I'm having a harder time now than ever before. Mentally that is. Come on. This is what I do now. It's OK. I just don't know how to be sick. You'd think I'd figure it out after 21/2 years. And longer really.
The day is beautiful! I'll go for a walk. That is the best medicine of all.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
In the arms of angels
As this horrible news is unfolding of the little Powell boys, my heart is so deeply troubled, saddened, sickened, etc; there are not enough adjectives to describe how we all feel I'm sure. They were exactly Tolman and Addi's age, 7 and 5. I love Tol and Addi with more than my heart can hold. I love Jami, Jessica, Chelsea, Nils and Curtis with that same heart. And Ron. How much love can one heart hold? I often wonder how God can love me as much as He does when there are so many to love, and so many with HUGE problems. But then I see how many my mere mortal heart loves and I start to understand, just a little.
My heart is so heavy for the parents and grandparents of Susan and these angel babies. I've prayed for them and will continue to, and all the other family, friends and neighbors who knew them intimately.
I am forever grateful to my faith in the fact that they were taken in the arms of their loving angel mother, and Brother, our Savior Jesus Christ in their time of terrific horribleness. I'm sure they were not left alone. I'm sure there were angels "round about them to bare them up".
My heart is so heavy for the parents and grandparents of Susan and these angel babies. I've prayed for them and will continue to, and all the other family, friends and neighbors who knew them intimately.
I am forever grateful to my faith in the fact that they were taken in the arms of their loving angel mother, and Brother, our Savior Jesus Christ in their time of terrific horribleness. I'm sure they were not left alone. I'm sure there were angels "round about them to bare them up".
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Renoir
The following is from Music and the Spoken Word given last Sunday:
Have you ever seen a painting by the artist Renoir—in a museum, perhaps, or in a book of impressionist art? We marvel at the beauty he captured, the sudden burst of color in a portrait, the serenity of a French meadow scene.
But as famous as Renoir is, few people realize that he painted much of his work in excruciating pain. Renoir was so crippled with rheumatoid arthritis that he had to sleep with a wire contraption that kept his sheets from touching his body. His deformed hands had to be wrapped with gauze; otherwise his fingernails would grow into his flesh. He couldn’t even pick up a paintbrush. And yet he would sit before a canvas in his wheelchair, have someone wedge a brush between his claw-like fingers, and paint visions of joy and delight.
It’s easy to see why Renoir’s illness is not well known, because not a shred of bitterness or despair appears in his work. Renoir was the model of a cheerful attitude, saying, "The pain passes, . . . but the beauty remains,”1 and "One must from time to time attempt things that are beyond one’s capacity.”2
On rare occasions we meet someone like this—a person who is in great personal pain but somehow manages to be joyful, even vibrant. We stand in awe of such people; they refuse to focus attention on themselves but instead inspire us to rise above our own sufferings and create beauty for those around us.
The next time someone asks, "Have you ever seen a Renoir?” you might think of a beautiful painting, but you might also think of the Renoirs you know—the everyday people who teach us, by their remarkable example, how to forget our own problems and focus on what we can do to bring joy to others. (End quote)
I want to be a Renoir.... Yeah. Just think I came up with a New Year's Resolution.
Have you ever seen a painting by the artist Renoir—in a museum, perhaps, or in a book of impressionist art? We marvel at the beauty he captured, the sudden burst of color in a portrait, the serenity of a French meadow scene.
But as famous as Renoir is, few people realize that he painted much of his work in excruciating pain. Renoir was so crippled with rheumatoid arthritis that he had to sleep with a wire contraption that kept his sheets from touching his body. His deformed hands had to be wrapped with gauze; otherwise his fingernails would grow into his flesh. He couldn’t even pick up a paintbrush. And yet he would sit before a canvas in his wheelchair, have someone wedge a brush between his claw-like fingers, and paint visions of joy and delight.
It’s easy to see why Renoir’s illness is not well known, because not a shred of bitterness or despair appears in his work. Renoir was the model of a cheerful attitude, saying, "The pain passes, . . . but the beauty remains,”1 and "One must from time to time attempt things that are beyond one’s capacity.”2
On rare occasions we meet someone like this—a person who is in great personal pain but somehow manages to be joyful, even vibrant. We stand in awe of such people; they refuse to focus attention on themselves but instead inspire us to rise above our own sufferings and create beauty for those around us.
The next time someone asks, "Have you ever seen a Renoir?” you might think of a beautiful painting, but you might also think of the Renoirs you know—the everyday people who teach us, by their remarkable example, how to forget our own problems and focus on what we can do to bring joy to others. (End quote)
I want to be a Renoir.... Yeah. Just think I came up with a New Year's Resolution.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Lard butt!
I went to a beautiful cabin last weekend, one of those girl get-away things. There was old woman Shar with 3 other girls half my age. I love these gals! They make me feel young? but mostly they make me feel a part when I could be rather lonely. Most everyone in my neighborhood are 30 somethings.
Erica was asking me about being sick, which I really appreciated. She really wanted to know the deeper meaning than, How are you? It came up in the conversation that I have lost between 40 and 50 lbs since this whole thing started, not on purpose I might add. (I know! Can you freakin believe that!) Then she said, Didn't you used to weigh around 300? Hell no! Not even close! Did I look like I did? Erica, (While we were both laughing while a tear or two trickled down my chubby cheeks). I'm so sorry! I have no concept of weight. Me. Yeah, but 300?! Have you ever watched biggest loser?! THEN the snowmobile gets stuck.. Shar why don't you get off and walk and we'll meet you at the top. K. It was only a few feet, but the snowmobile wouldn't move till lard butt got off!
Oh no, I'm not finished yet. I get to Curtis' B ball game. One of the mom's comes up to me, I'm having this really fun party Wed night and want you to come. Are you busy? I always hate those questions. It depends on what the deal is if I'm busy or not. Just tell me up front. Sure enough, it was for some weight loss thing.
First of all, NO! I don't want to come! Why didn't you ask the fat man sitting a few rows in front of me? Or, Second of all, Don't EVVVVVERRRR ask ANYONE whose nose has some plastic tubing attached if they are interested in losing weight. There just may be a health issue involved. And with that health issue comes medicine. Lots and lots of medicine. One of those being prednisone. Take a moment to look up the side effects of this miracle drug from hell. It is quite a miracle that I have lost any weight being on that for as long as I have. And will be for the rest of my life, whatever that may be. Third, You will have a much better time selling a weight loss product if you FIRST have lost the weight you lard butt!
Geeish! I'm going to go have a cookie, or dozen.
Erica was asking me about being sick, which I really appreciated. She really wanted to know the deeper meaning than, How are you? It came up in the conversation that I have lost between 40 and 50 lbs since this whole thing started, not on purpose I might add. (I know! Can you freakin believe that!) Then she said, Didn't you used to weigh around 300? Hell no! Not even close! Did I look like I did? Erica, (While we were both laughing while a tear or two trickled down my chubby cheeks). I'm so sorry! I have no concept of weight. Me. Yeah, but 300?! Have you ever watched biggest loser?! THEN the snowmobile gets stuck.. Shar why don't you get off and walk and we'll meet you at the top. K. It was only a few feet, but the snowmobile wouldn't move till lard butt got off!
Oh no, I'm not finished yet. I get to Curtis' B ball game. One of the mom's comes up to me, I'm having this really fun party Wed night and want you to come. Are you busy? I always hate those questions. It depends on what the deal is if I'm busy or not. Just tell me up front. Sure enough, it was for some weight loss thing.
First of all, NO! I don't want to come! Why didn't you ask the fat man sitting a few rows in front of me? Or, Second of all, Don't EVVVVVERRRR ask ANYONE whose nose has some plastic tubing attached if they are interested in losing weight. There just may be a health issue involved. And with that health issue comes medicine. Lots and lots of medicine. One of those being prednisone. Take a moment to look up the side effects of this miracle drug from hell. It is quite a miracle that I have lost any weight being on that for as long as I have. And will be for the rest of my life, whatever that may be. Third, You will have a much better time selling a weight loss product if you FIRST have lost the weight you lard butt!
Geeish! I'm going to go have a cookie, or dozen.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Music is ringing inside my head
Music is ringing inside my head
over and over and over again
my friend,
there's no end
to the music...
These are some of the words from a song by Carole King, I think. Loved that song! I need to go find it.. And all my piano students' pieces are ringing over and over again in my head. My recital was last night. All the kiddos were AMAZING, FANTASTIC, INCREDIBLE, FABULOUS,...you get the picture. They all had on their Sunday Christmas best. They gave me hugs. I hugged them back. I wanted to hug all the parents, incredible parents! and g-parents. The students were so proud. I was so proud. Everyone was proud. Everyone cheered, and I mean REALLY cheered for everyone else. I had just as much fun watching the parents as I did the kids. I had tears in my eyes the whole time. I couldn't believe how hard they had all worked and that all that hard worked paid BIG TIME! I love you my kiddos! Thank you for doing such a great job!
And Santa came. Who knew? He, K, I mean she, played Sleighride with me. I love that Santa. She's my first cuz and we have been the best of friends forEVER! We lined her up with one of Ron's best friends so we have been great couple friends for..well, a really long time. She lives to serve other people. Love you Krissy!
And my sweet Ron and Curtis came to support me. Really? What 17 yr old goes to their mom's piano recital? Icing on the cake, I sat at the piano and played for Curtis while he sang and sang when we got home. Perfect night if you ask me.
So, grab those CD's, crank up the stereo...keep the music playing and playing and playing.
I had my Christmas last night!
Friday, December 2, 2011
Mistletoe and holly berries
Wow-ah! Time to trim the tree. Get it out first, go chop it down, go to the grocery store...where ever, how ever we get our greenery. I have bins and boxes and more bins and more boxes of holiday cheeriness. I've collected so much over the years. I've gotten rid of a lot as well, but I still have too much. And I'm too tired.
As I was trying to make my house festive today, I dang well burst into tears. How, how in the world am I going to get the energy to get it done? And do I really need to? I still have harvest holiday on my porch, but I can't see it so it's not there. So I sat down, turned up the oxy and tried to get hold of myself.
What is with me? I have this internal ideal that says everything has to be the best. I am Jean Nelson's daughter in law you know. She was the queen of Christmas. She could stay up all night cooking, decorating, whatever, and go teach her 4th grade class the next day. She LOVED Christmas everything. People ask me if I am the house with the incredible porch. I say no, that's Emily's house. And my sister in laws. And I worked at Nordstrom and OC Tanner. They REALLY knew how to deck their halls. Of course they had unlimited help and budgets but I still think I can get the same look minus the budget or the bodies. I have stolen a few ideas.
But really. We all know it doesn't matter. Christmas isn't about all the glitz and glitter and holly berries.
On the other hand, is there anything better than laying under the fake Christmas tree with the fake snow in front of the fake fire reading a great fake book (on my kindle)? I say no. So, time to get moving. Let's get this done!
Wednesday, October 19, 2011
Being a mom
I've been looking at pictures of my kids when they were little. Tears are rolling down my cheeks. How I loved having my kiddos around me! Each picture takes me back in time. I can smell the smells. I can see the views. I can hear the sounds. I can feel the softness of their skin. I can remember what they were laughing, crying or pouting about.
These memories are etched in my mind forever. And the great thing is, is that memories are still being made everyday. New places, new sounds, new smells, new sights....and I have two little ones that are added to this great picture.
I got on my knees and thanked God for the great blessing of being a mom. I will never take that for granted. I also prayed that I will get to raise Andy someday. I hope I get to see him as a little boy.
I feel such gratitude, like my heart could explode!
Thursday, September 1, 2011
There has to be pills for that
I'm so angry. I feel like I could blow up into a million pieces! Maybe sad. The sweet kid that handled my return at Target got me going. How are you today, he said. Crappy! was my reply. I couldn't do the, I'm fine response. I just couldn't. Then the tears started. I'm so sorry he said. Are you OK? Are you having a hard time breathing today? Actually I have to wear this everyday. I'm sorry, he said again. I hope your day gets better. It will. Thank you.
Some people ask what's wrong with me. Most don't. Little kids stare. Adults look then take a double take. Wow. I wonder what she did to have to wear that thing? Or most don't think anything. In fact, I'll bet no one thinks anything for more than a few seconds. Look, then on to their own problems.
What's wrong with you? the guy at RC Willey's asked. How long do you have I wanted to say. Rheumatoid arthritis vasculitis raynauds syndrome esophageal reflux interstitial lung disease sjorens syndrome, oh yeah, now my heart is affected...I'm sure there's more...all under the umbrella of Mixed Connective Tissue Disease. So there you have it dude. That's what's wrong with me..
Contradictions all over the place. I'm grateful for oxygen. Mad I have to have it. And I get a handicap sticker! Wha who! Mad I qualify. Disability is a life saver. Mad I qualify. I want to run over people that are running. Sad I can't. Run that is. Grateful I can walk. Really sad my hands hurt when I play the piano or that I can't give normal high fives. Grateful I can still play and still use my hands. Mad I had to turn my Subaru in. Grateful I have transportation. Mad I run out of energy when there is so much to do. Glad I feel like doing anything. Mad I love food. Mad I wake up every morning with a back that kills because of a crappy mattress. Glad I have a bed to sleep in every night.
And mad I'm taking 17 -20 pills a day. I need some more. Don't you think, to take all this mad/sadness away? Yeah, I'm already on that one.
Friday, July 1, 2011
I heart my heart doc
I went to another doc yesterday, another specialist, a cardiologist. The heart and lungs work together and because my lungs are sick, my heart is having to work extra hard. (I say my heart is working extra hard cause there is so much inside it.) Sure enough, the EKG came back abnormal so off for more specific tests next week.
I loved my heart doc. I had no idea who he was when I made the appointment. I just wanted to get in to the first available opening whoever it was. I scored! He talked to me forever. He asked me all the medical questions doctors do on first appointments but what he did next was a first. He asked me how I was doing. I was thinking that I had just spent all this time telling him. Were you not listening! No, he said, I want to know how you are handling all this. I got tears in my eyes as I thought about the answer to the question. I just want to be active and run again. I want to be able to clean my house. I want to be able to do triathlons with my kids. I want to be able to work in my garden from sun up to sundown. I want to be able to make plans and know I can follow through. I want to be able to go on dates with my sweetheart instead of always saying, I'm sorry honey. I'm just not up for a movie. I want Curtis not to see me on the couch or bed so much. I want to be able to take care of my parents and worry about them instead of the other way around. I want my beautiful grandkids to know the real me, not the oxy wearing sicko.
Don't worry. I didn't tell him this whole list but I did tell him some. He put his arm around me, (which is a first for any of my docs) and said, Well you know what the saying is don't you? No, I responded. Life is a bitch and then you die. I started laughing as the tears were running down my checks. He told me I seemed to be doing very well and that if he were in my situation, he could be written off. (He was just trying to make me feel good, which he did.)
He then asked how my husband and children were handling it. I said they were all champs. They are my hero's.
It was so very therapeutic being able to open the flood gates and let all this out and not feel judged or like an ungrateful brat. He listened, and he cared.
Yep. This doc was so great. He is taking care of my heart, both the things that can be seen on a scan and the things that can't.
Wednesday, April 6, 2011
Two little people
Can two little people really make that much difference in a person's life? Yes. And they do. My two little people spent the last two weeks with us. Tolman and Addi, my grand kiddos. We did so many fun things together. We went to the Aquarium. We spent 3 hours there. I love being on kids time doing whatever they want to do. No hurrying them along. "Yep, we can go sit in the boat. Sure we can see the stingrays again. Let's see if the penguins are swimming yet. Of course we can look around in the gift shop but I don't know if we can buy anything. OK, you can." We went on walks up by the lake. "I think that is too far for you to walk Tolman. You might get tired." "No I won't gram. And I can push Addi the whole way too." "OK. You can try." I was thinking I would have to go again because I wouldn't be getting the exercise I wanted. WRONG! Tolman did stay with me while pushing Addi nearly the whole way! He had to give me a breather or two even. We got gelato on another walk. We played at the park. We read stories. We made up names for all the different cats in the cat book. I wish I could remember some of those names. We were laughing and laughing. We had sleep-overs in my big bed. The kids were supposed to be sleeping but we were too busy laughing and tickling backs and legs and bellies.and toes. There's plenty of time for sleep but not near enough time for laughing! Tolman read stories to me and Addi. He is such an amazing reader! Really! He's in kindergarten and reading I'm guessing on about a 4th grade level, or higher. He can sound out about any word. Yes, my grandchildren are brilliant! Addi and I talked about all things princess. Princess jewelry, dresses, shoes, make-up, fingernail polish. Addi chose some beautiful plastic Little Mermaid jewelry. The earrings would fall off with the slightest move of the head so I told her to move very, very carefully. She walked around like a statue whenever she had them on for fear of losing her very priceless jewels. We talked and talked and talked and talked. They got so many hugs and kisses and they didn't even run away from me or say "ENOUGH GRAM!" They would even hug and kiss me back. My two little best friends went back to Minnesota yesterday. The house is so empty and quiet. It makes me sad. It takes me several days to adjust to the stillness. I can't go in their rooms. Not yet. It makes me too sad. How I love Tolman and Addi Belle. I love how I am when I'm with them. They show me the magic in every day. They show me wonder in the ordinary. They teach me what true unconditional love is. They show me the pure love of Christ. It's no wonder the Savior told us to be like them.
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Sometimes
...I just hate being sick. The worst part for me is having NO energy! When I clean I can work for a good 15-20 minutes, then have to take a breather, literally. I have my oxy turned up as high as it can go while working and still get tuckered out. I get worn out just by being vertical. I have to do that a lot every day. Sometimes I get dizzy and exhausted even when I sit. Like today.
...I hate the pressures put on women in the perfect looking category. I drove to Logan last week to see Nils. I couldn't believe how many billboards there were on surgical procedures to get that perfect Barbie body! Not only the perfect body, but the completely flawless face that goes along with that body. Add this, take away that. Suck this, tuck that. Inject, reject....the list goes on and on. Basically, whatever you do, DON'T be happy with just the way you are!
...I feel so sad with all the heartache in the world, especially loved ones. I've recently reconnected with a dear friend of mine. She is so worried about her daughter and asked for some advice in the addiction field. I have experience you know.
...I wish I could do my life over. I'd do a better job.
...I hate that I love sugar so much. I'm even crazy enough to wish that I were as sick as I was last year. I could hardly eat. And I never ate sugary things. They made me sick. Oh yeah...I was already sick.
...I really miss my sister.
...I get so mad that I don't show more self discipline. I've had boat loads of it much of my life.
I guess I'm just like everyone else. Don't we all get sad sometimes?
...I hate the pressures put on women in the perfect looking category. I drove to Logan last week to see Nils. I couldn't believe how many billboards there were on surgical procedures to get that perfect Barbie body! Not only the perfect body, but the completely flawless face that goes along with that body. Add this, take away that. Suck this, tuck that. Inject, reject....the list goes on and on. Basically, whatever you do, DON'T be happy with just the way you are!
...I feel so sad with all the heartache in the world, especially loved ones. I've recently reconnected with a dear friend of mine. She is so worried about her daughter and asked for some advice in the addiction field. I have experience you know.
...I wish I could do my life over. I'd do a better job.
...I hate that I love sugar so much. I'm even crazy enough to wish that I were as sick as I was last year. I could hardly eat. And I never ate sugary things. They made me sick. Oh yeah...I was already sick.
...I really miss my sister.
...I get so mad that I don't show more self discipline. I've had boat loads of it much of my life.
I guess I'm just like everyone else. Don't we all get sad sometimes?
Friday, February 18, 2011
Live Laugh Love
I have been looking for ways to give my home (bedroom) a little face lift. I think I should plasticize the walls with some of my favorite quotes. They are all over these days. Here are some of my favorites. Which ones do you vote for?
Nothing is more than this day. (Some are just too deep for me)
A family without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.
I don't have a family tree, I have a forest. (I swear I saw this)
Families are Forever (You are not a good Mormon if that isn't hanging somewhere in your home.)
A happy family is but an earlier heaven
Live Laugh Love (as per title)
All because two people fell in love (Huh?)
A happy wife is a happy life
Love is spoken here
Dare to dream (I dare you)
Always together. Never apart. (Kill me!)
Because just being together is enough (Not even!)
1 mother + 1 daughter = best friends
Happiness is Homemade
He aint heavy, he's my brother ( I think there should be one about heavy sisters)
2 boys = brother
And the many that say: Family by blood, Cousins by blood, uncle by blood, aunt by blood, 2nd cousin by blood, Brothers....Sisters.... etc etc......friends by choice. (Lots of blood friend ones)
And then the one about bad breath, or getting the breath knocked out of you. Or just not being able to breathe. I don't know. Or counting how many breaths you take in a day. Or how many you should take in a year. I dunno.
I have tears rolling down my face as I type.
I'm having a contest for the best original quotes. On your mark, get set, GO!
So I have come up with a few of my own that you are all welcome to plasticize and put all over your walls:
Life is hard sometimes, like a rock.
Stairs are like climbing a mountain. Take it one step at a time.
The sunrise is the beginning of a new day
Nothing is more than this day. (Some are just too deep for me)
A family without a grandmother is like an egg without salt.
I don't have a family tree, I have a forest. (I swear I saw this)
Families are Forever (You are not a good Mormon if that isn't hanging somewhere in your home.)
A happy family is but an earlier heaven
Live Laugh Love (as per title)
All because two people fell in love (Huh?)
A happy wife is a happy life
Love is spoken here
Dare to dream (I dare you)
Always together. Never apart. (Kill me!)
Because just being together is enough (Not even!)
1 mother + 1 daughter = best friends
Happiness is Homemade
He aint heavy, he's my brother ( I think there should be one about heavy sisters)
2 boys = brother
And the many that say: Family by blood, Cousins by blood, uncle by blood, aunt by blood, 2nd cousin by blood, Brothers....Sisters.... etc etc......friends by choice. (Lots of blood friend ones)
And then the one about bad breath, or getting the breath knocked out of you. Or just not being able to breathe. I don't know. Or counting how many breaths you take in a day. Or how many you should take in a year. I dunno.
I have tears rolling down my face as I type.
I'm having a contest for the best original quotes. On your mark, get set, GO!
So I have come up with a few of my own that you are all welcome to plasticize and put all over your walls:
Life is hard sometimes, like a rock.
Stairs are like climbing a mountain. Take it one step at a time.
The sunrise is the beginning of a new day
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Valentine gifts
I love Valentines Day. A great excuse to show the ones we love that we love them. Back when I used to cook, I would make a nice dinner for the fam and have some Valentine surprise on each plate. And of course I had the excuse of the holiday to buy the kiddos some cute outfit when they were little. Who knows what I did when they got older but I'm sure it was wonderful. And of course something heartfelt and wonderful for my hubby.
When Ron and I were dating (just a couple of months mind you) Ron gave me some beautiful flowers, a book, and I don't remember chocolates, but I'm sure he had to have gotten something at Cummings, or See's, or Mrs. Cavanaughs. None of the grocery store junk. After being married a few years, he bought me an incredible, very expensive Lladro. (pronounced yah-dro) It was a male and female ballerina. I thought it was kind of a weird gift considering that neither one of us were into ballet. But now I love it! I'm sure he gave me clothes cause I used to love clothes. I'm sure there were flowers and chocolate and flowers and chocolate. Romantic dinners, and not so romantic dinners as well.
So what would I love for my Valentines gift? First thing that always comes to mind is expensive jewelry. You can never go wrong with that! Don't worry if it's not in the budget. WORK IT OUT! Not rings. I don't like my hands anymore. And necklaces are out. They clash with my tubing. And I don't want anything to take away from the loveliness of that. Bracelets and earrings, preferably with diamonds. They are a go. And a fancy watch. That would work too. Actually, not too fancy. I'm too hard on watches. Just some cute stylish one at Costco would be just fine. Maybe one where you could switch out the bands to match any given outfit. Or anything that would look great with my assortment of sweatshirts. Sweatshirts! You can never have anough! More sweatshirts. Yeah, that would be good. And of course a grand piano is always on the list.
I love flowers. From Costco. Prettiest ones around AND you get the best bang for your buck. I want to paint my bed and bathroom. So maybe a gift cert from Home Depot but then you have to do the painting as well. Oh and man do I need (not want) a pedicure. I never get them in the winter. But yes, I need one.
It was brought to my attention last night of my love for chocolate. Damn I hate that I love it so much! Thrown in with that, was my love of percocet. (I'm sure I would still love it.) So, if you want to find that really special something, I would really, really. REALLY love a dish of chocolate covered percocet, or any chocolate covered narco! That would top any and everything on this very conservative list. Just sayin.
When Ron and I were dating (just a couple of months mind you) Ron gave me some beautiful flowers, a book, and I don't remember chocolates, but I'm sure he had to have gotten something at Cummings, or See's, or Mrs. Cavanaughs. None of the grocery store junk. After being married a few years, he bought me an incredible, very expensive Lladro. (pronounced yah-dro) It was a male and female ballerina. I thought it was kind of a weird gift considering that neither one of us were into ballet. But now I love it! I'm sure he gave me clothes cause I used to love clothes. I'm sure there were flowers and chocolate and flowers and chocolate. Romantic dinners, and not so romantic dinners as well.
So what would I love for my Valentines gift? First thing that always comes to mind is expensive jewelry. You can never go wrong with that! Don't worry if it's not in the budget. WORK IT OUT! Not rings. I don't like my hands anymore. And necklaces are out. They clash with my tubing. And I don't want anything to take away from the loveliness of that. Bracelets and earrings, preferably with diamonds. They are a go. And a fancy watch. That would work too. Actually, not too fancy. I'm too hard on watches. Just some cute stylish one at Costco would be just fine. Maybe one where you could switch out the bands to match any given outfit. Or anything that would look great with my assortment of sweatshirts. Sweatshirts! You can never have anough! More sweatshirts. Yeah, that would be good. And of course a grand piano is always on the list.
I love flowers. From Costco. Prettiest ones around AND you get the best bang for your buck. I want to paint my bed and bathroom. So maybe a gift cert from Home Depot but then you have to do the painting as well. Oh and man do I need (not want) a pedicure. I never get them in the winter. But yes, I need one.
It was brought to my attention last night of my love for chocolate. Damn I hate that I love it so much! Thrown in with that, was my love of percocet. (I'm sure I would still love it.) So, if you want to find that really special something, I would really, really. REALLY love a dish of chocolate covered percocet, or any chocolate covered narco! That would top any and everything on this very conservative list. Just sayin.
Monday, February 7, 2011
Love
I love Valentines Day. It is a no pressure holiday that gives us a special day to express our love to those close to us. Which ties in perfectly to a I thought I had.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the sadness and pain that goes on in the world. I have to stay away from the nightly news when I am especially vulnerable. And I am right now. There are people close to me who are hurting. And I can't do anything about it except pray and pray. I pull the covers over my head and hope it all goes away.
I often joke that I didn't vote for God's plan. I say I was put in the wrong line. Tell me what to do, how to do it, and that works great with me. This free agency stuff is more than I can handle sometimes. Remember, I am joking, I think I did know how tough this life would be. I think we knew more than we think we did. We were intelligences. Right?
I believe that the love I felt was so incredible, so overwhelming by being in the presence of my Savoir, that I was willing to do whatever it took to be surrounded by that love eternally. I think it was all about pure love.
So my goal is to figure out how to tap into that intense love whenever I need to feel His presence. It is there for me. I have felt it many times. I just forget sometimes.
Today I am grateful for that love and grateful that I remembered.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the sadness and pain that goes on in the world. I have to stay away from the nightly news when I am especially vulnerable. And I am right now. There are people close to me who are hurting. And I can't do anything about it except pray and pray. I pull the covers over my head and hope it all goes away.
I often joke that I didn't vote for God's plan. I say I was put in the wrong line. Tell me what to do, how to do it, and that works great with me. This free agency stuff is more than I can handle sometimes. Remember, I am joking, I think I did know how tough this life would be. I think we knew more than we think we did. We were intelligences. Right?
I believe that the love I felt was so incredible, so overwhelming by being in the presence of my Savoir, that I was willing to do whatever it took to be surrounded by that love eternally. I think it was all about pure love.
So my goal is to figure out how to tap into that intense love whenever I need to feel His presence. It is there for me. I have felt it many times. I just forget sometimes.
Today I am grateful for that love and grateful that I remembered.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Do over
I visit the past too often, especially lately. High school. I am one of the crazy ones who would do it over and over and over yet again. I loved it. It was all about music and friends and skiing and Lake Powell and our little family cabin at Bear Lake. It was about going on crazy fun conventions/vacations with my family. It was about going on many funny little adventures with my friends. And I was blessed with SOOOO many GREAT friends. There were alot of us. Really. I've heard you can only have a few best friends. There were many best friends in our group.
I would have done some things different as well. That is a place I go too often. On days like today. What would be different? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I would have taken education more seriously. I would have graduated from college. I would have been a choir teacher. I would have liked to get my Phd in music. I would have minored in history. I love history. I would have loved teaching history as well. I would not have gotten married so young. Lots of my friends did. The Mormon culture thing I guess. i would have gone on adventures around the world, like trekking to the base of Mt Everest, or an African safari. Or a humanitarian mission in a third world country. Or skied the Swiss Alps. Or visited my ancestors in Sweden.
I pretty much had a fairy book childhood. I miss it sometimes. I miss it today. I want to be carefree and have my biggest worries be what boy I liked and if he liked me back. I want to worry about what I'm going to wear to prom, or if I'm going to be asked at all. I want to worry about whose turn it is to drive to the ski resort, or wonder if I'll be able to fake it at my piano lesson if I didn't practice so well that week. I loved to practice! I would play the piano all the time. I got to accompany the school choirs. I would sight read the music all the time and did a good job. My choir teacher was my piano teacher as well. John and I are going to visit Mr C next week. I look forward to that. He was a huge influence in my love of music. Mr C. And John and I were in madrigals and accapella together. We both love Mr C.
Well back to reality. I just feel sad and stressed and sick and tired, and sick of being sick. Sometimes I wish I could have a do-over. Do you?
I would have done some things different as well. That is a place I go too often. On days like today. What would be different? Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I would have taken education more seriously. I would have graduated from college. I would have been a choir teacher. I would have liked to get my Phd in music. I would have minored in history. I love history. I would have loved teaching history as well. I would not have gotten married so young. Lots of my friends did. The Mormon culture thing I guess. i would have gone on adventures around the world, like trekking to the base of Mt Everest, or an African safari. Or a humanitarian mission in a third world country. Or skied the Swiss Alps. Or visited my ancestors in Sweden.
I pretty much had a fairy book childhood. I miss it sometimes. I miss it today. I want to be carefree and have my biggest worries be what boy I liked and if he liked me back. I want to worry about what I'm going to wear to prom, or if I'm going to be asked at all. I want to worry about whose turn it is to drive to the ski resort, or wonder if I'll be able to fake it at my piano lesson if I didn't practice so well that week. I loved to practice! I would play the piano all the time. I got to accompany the school choirs. I would sight read the music all the time and did a good job. My choir teacher was my piano teacher as well. John and I are going to visit Mr C next week. I look forward to that. He was a huge influence in my love of music. Mr C. And John and I were in madrigals and accapella together. We both love Mr C.
Well back to reality. I just feel sad and stressed and sick and tired, and sick of being sick. Sometimes I wish I could have a do-over. Do you?
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Potatoes and other things funeral
I love to go to funerals. Not that I love the reason for the funeral, especially when it seems that a life was too short on this earth. Like the funeral I attended yesterday. Pat Aldrich. An incredibly sweet and dear woman. She was only 61. She was my neighbor. She was in my ward. She was fine a month ago. then got pneumonia and died. She seemed very quiet to me. I picture her sitting on the back row in Relief Society, not saying much. She was one of those who I imagine as a great listener because that is what she did so well. Or I picture her in the library getting chalk or pictures or books, or anything else anyone needed to teach their class. I imagine her just like that, getting whatever anyone needed to make life easier.
Pat and I rarely exchanged many words. But our last conversation went something like this. She put her arm around me and said "You sure gave us a scare. I am so glad to see you here doing so much better." During these last four weeks, I just knew I would be saying the same to her. She never came out of the hospital. Her death has been quite hard, as I keep thinking it should have been me. I am the sick one.
But God has a different plan I have to believe. I don't like His plan sometimes. But that's a different blog for a different time.
Back to why I love funerals. I never knew Pat was such a spit-fire. She was a sassy pants. I LOVE sassy pants. Maybe because I am. I found out that her motto is the same as mine, "don't ask for permission, just forgiveness". At Cathi's funeral a couple of months ago, her mom said how she had never heard Cathi raise her voice. Her son stood up and said, "Grandma never heard her raise her voice, but I sure did."
If you want to get to know someone, just go to their funeral. I got a brilliant idea. I think we should all have a funeral before we die.
I've planned mine. My kids have said my funeral will go on for about four hours, or longer. I said that was OK. (I don't particularly like long funerals unless it's mine of course). Mine is going to be all about music. I've let all the participants know. The music will be beautiful! Kate on the cello, Jason on the piano with his harmonica, the Crockers and their angelic voices. They are angels. And their mom, my first cousin and BFF on the piano. Curtis singing "You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan accompanied by Kelly DeHann. Curtis and I watched Tarzan all the time when he was little. Speaking of Kelly, I also want him to sing and play Now and Forever by Carly Simon, maybe Carole King. Jessica playing Sonata by Chip Davis on the piano. And maybe Nils singing "....serve, said serve..."
And then there are the talks. Ive got lots and lots of ideas. But I think something along the lines of a testimony meeting. Maybe a Sharstimony. Yay, or nay?
I want the place to be packed. Standing room only. Come on. Admit it. So do you. I would like my family to send out invitations. I would like the world to stop, or at least the state. I would like all the flags to be at half mast. I would like my death to make Entertainment Tonight, or some other news worthy show.
Now for what I don't want. I don't want the chapel to smell like funeral flowers. Is there another smell for flowers or do they all smell like funeral flowers when they are for a funeral? I would love it to smell like freshly cut grass, or the pine and streams and all other smells of the mountains. I want it to smell like the sidewalk after a rain storm or the lusciousness of the place on the neck of a new baby. Or the smell of bread baking in the oven.
I don't want it to cost a fortune. Why have some beautiful fluffy, comfortable box to lay in, just to have it put in the ground? And no open casket! Boo! What's up with the "And she looks so good." Who looks good when they're dead! K. I must admit. There are a very few that look better in death than life. Great makeup work people! I am great with a few pieces of 2 by 4's stapled together. Seriously! Take a big breath for this next one.....I would be so OK with being cremated. Donate whatever I can to science, though I don't think it would be anything now, and sprinkle the rest of me in the mountains. That would be easy AND cheap. Seriously!
And I don't want ham and jello, and especially not funeral potatoes. I like funeral potatoes, in fact, I love them. I just don't want them at my funeral. I want soup. All kinds, and great bread with real butter. Lots and lots of butter. In fact, more butter than bread. Anything chocolate, but chocolate mousse would be the best. Or maybe a chocolate fountain. My grandkids would love that. Oh, and I really love Chantel's cheese fondue. And vanilla coke to drink....not the kind that is already mixed, but coke and the vanilla flavoring. Yum! And make sure the coke is not diet! Actually, maybe skip the dinner altogether. Let's all go out. Maybe to a movie with popcorn and drinks. Yeah. Let's do that.
So how does that sound? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty worn out after my big day. I know. Let's just forget it all and go take a nap.
Pat and I rarely exchanged many words. But our last conversation went something like this. She put her arm around me and said "You sure gave us a scare. I am so glad to see you here doing so much better." During these last four weeks, I just knew I would be saying the same to her. She never came out of the hospital. Her death has been quite hard, as I keep thinking it should have been me. I am the sick one.
But God has a different plan I have to believe. I don't like His plan sometimes. But that's a different blog for a different time.
Back to why I love funerals. I never knew Pat was such a spit-fire. She was a sassy pants. I LOVE sassy pants. Maybe because I am. I found out that her motto is the same as mine, "don't ask for permission, just forgiveness". At Cathi's funeral a couple of months ago, her mom said how she had never heard Cathi raise her voice. Her son stood up and said, "Grandma never heard her raise her voice, but I sure did."
If you want to get to know someone, just go to their funeral. I got a brilliant idea. I think we should all have a funeral before we die.
I've planned mine. My kids have said my funeral will go on for about four hours, or longer. I said that was OK. (I don't particularly like long funerals unless it's mine of course). Mine is going to be all about music. I've let all the participants know. The music will be beautiful! Kate on the cello, Jason on the piano with his harmonica, the Crockers and their angelic voices. They are angels. And their mom, my first cousin and BFF on the piano. Curtis singing "You'll Be in My Heart" from Tarzan accompanied by Kelly DeHann. Curtis and I watched Tarzan all the time when he was little. Speaking of Kelly, I also want him to sing and play Now and Forever by Carly Simon, maybe Carole King. Jessica playing Sonata by Chip Davis on the piano. And maybe Nils singing "....serve, said serve..."
And then there are the talks. Ive got lots and lots of ideas. But I think something along the lines of a testimony meeting. Maybe a Sharstimony. Yay, or nay?
I want the place to be packed. Standing room only. Come on. Admit it. So do you. I would like my family to send out invitations. I would like the world to stop, or at least the state. I would like all the flags to be at half mast. I would like my death to make Entertainment Tonight, or some other news worthy show.
Now for what I don't want. I don't want the chapel to smell like funeral flowers. Is there another smell for flowers or do they all smell like funeral flowers when they are for a funeral? I would love it to smell like freshly cut grass, or the pine and streams and all other smells of the mountains. I want it to smell like the sidewalk after a rain storm or the lusciousness of the place on the neck of a new baby. Or the smell of bread baking in the oven.
I don't want it to cost a fortune. Why have some beautiful fluffy, comfortable box to lay in, just to have it put in the ground? And no open casket! Boo! What's up with the "And she looks so good." Who looks good when they're dead! K. I must admit. There are a very few that look better in death than life. Great makeup work people! I am great with a few pieces of 2 by 4's stapled together. Seriously! Take a big breath for this next one.....I would be so OK with being cremated. Donate whatever I can to science, though I don't think it would be anything now, and sprinkle the rest of me in the mountains. That would be easy AND cheap. Seriously!
And I don't want ham and jello, and especially not funeral potatoes. I like funeral potatoes, in fact, I love them. I just don't want them at my funeral. I want soup. All kinds, and great bread with real butter. Lots and lots of butter. In fact, more butter than bread. Anything chocolate, but chocolate mousse would be the best. Or maybe a chocolate fountain. My grandkids would love that. Oh, and I really love Chantel's cheese fondue. And vanilla coke to drink....not the kind that is already mixed, but coke and the vanilla flavoring. Yum! And make sure the coke is not diet! Actually, maybe skip the dinner altogether. Let's all go out. Maybe to a movie with popcorn and drinks. Yeah. Let's do that.
So how does that sound? I don't know about you, but I'm pretty worn out after my big day. I know. Let's just forget it all and go take a nap.
Saturday, November 13, 2010
Thanksgiving..Music
Things have to change. I had a dream the other night. About Vivian. Yes! That's right. For those of you who don't know, Vivian is a crazy, evil woman on Days. WAAAAAY TOO MUCH DAYS! I got hooked after spending months on end on the couch. (Justification)
Anyway, my kiddos were all coming home (minus Jami) for the weekend and I wanted the house to be spic and span. I went to turn on the TV to keep me company. I got a very uncomfortable feeling of brain freeze (that happens when I have lots to do and it kind of paralyzes me. My brain goes spastic and I basically go in circles not accomplishing much of anything) so I decided to turn on the CD player instead. Josh Grobin. I played it over and over and over again, with David Foster's Symphony Sessions in between. Brilliance! And I can hardly wait for Andre Bocelli Christmas. He hits CRAZY, RIDICULOUS notes! He jumps an octave and a half during one song. (Can't remember the name right now) WHOA! I don't think I'll wait til after Thanksgiving. Today is a great day for a little Andre.
I got so much done that day. And my soul was filled, my spirits lifted. I could conquer the world, AND I had a shiny floor. I was filled with such gratitude for my life. And especially for the gift of music. It is spiritual to me. It takes me away to places deep in my heart. I am grateful to such artists who have used and developed their God given talents.
I used to have the CD player on 24/7 while my kids were young. My piano was always playing. I was either playing or teaching. My kids used to love hearing me play. They still do though I don't play very often anymore. Many times I would be practicing in the morning before they woke up. I especially remember Chelsea bringing her blanket and pillow and lying on the floor (which was hard wood) just so she could listen up close and personal. I didn't know she was there. Curtis does that now. He begs me to play. Actually, all my children do. OK. I will.
Which leads me to Thanksgiving. I am going to post all my November entries on things that I am grateful for. And today, thank you God, for gift of music.
Anyway, my kiddos were all coming home (minus Jami) for the weekend and I wanted the house to be spic and span. I went to turn on the TV to keep me company. I got a very uncomfortable feeling of brain freeze (that happens when I have lots to do and it kind of paralyzes me. My brain goes spastic and I basically go in circles not accomplishing much of anything) so I decided to turn on the CD player instead. Josh Grobin. I played it over and over and over again, with David Foster's Symphony Sessions in between. Brilliance! And I can hardly wait for Andre Bocelli Christmas. He hits CRAZY, RIDICULOUS notes! He jumps an octave and a half during one song. (Can't remember the name right now) WHOA! I don't think I'll wait til after Thanksgiving. Today is a great day for a little Andre.
I got so much done that day. And my soul was filled, my spirits lifted. I could conquer the world, AND I had a shiny floor. I was filled with such gratitude for my life. And especially for the gift of music. It is spiritual to me. It takes me away to places deep in my heart. I am grateful to such artists who have used and developed their God given talents.
I used to have the CD player on 24/7 while my kids were young. My piano was always playing. I was either playing or teaching. My kids used to love hearing me play. They still do though I don't play very often anymore. Many times I would be practicing in the morning before they woke up. I especially remember Chelsea bringing her blanket and pillow and lying on the floor (which was hard wood) just so she could listen up close and personal. I didn't know she was there. Curtis does that now. He begs me to play. Actually, all my children do. OK. I will.
Which leads me to Thanksgiving. I am going to post all my November entries on things that I am grateful for. And today, thank you God, for gift of music.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Dear Cathi
Dear Cathi,
Congratulations! You made it. Your graduation day, as you always referred to it as, was Mon. Nov. 1st, the day you passed from this life to the next. So many things I would like you to know.
The last time I came to see you was about one month ago. You were not having a good day so I only stayed a few minutes. You were also intent on listening to Stake Conference which had been piped into your home. I really wanted to come back, but just couldn't. Of anyone, I knew you would understand. I knew the time was very, very close.
Today as I was lying in bed, I thought of some of the times we shared. We were pregnant together, more than once. Bryson and Andy would have been the same age. When I lost Andy, you brought me over a beautiful CD of hymn arrangements. I wore it out. When I was pregnant with Curtis, you brought me dinner, not after I had him, but the week before. How sweet.
We both dreaded January. For others it is a time of starting fresh. For us it was a letdown. You always complimented me on my garden. When Christopher was getting home from his mission, I was lucky enough to come and plant and weed for you, though you were not supposed to find out who it was.
More than anything, you taught me how to live with patience, purpose in the smallest of things, and long suffering. In dying you taught me quiet dignity and endurance, relying on a power heaven sent, because it was constantly sought after.
I'm happy for you Cathi, for you suffered, and now, that suffering is over. I pray for your family knowing that they will be OK. They had the greatest teacher.
I love you.
Shar
Congratulations! You made it. Your graduation day, as you always referred to it as, was Mon. Nov. 1st, the day you passed from this life to the next. So many things I would like you to know.
The last time I came to see you was about one month ago. You were not having a good day so I only stayed a few minutes. You were also intent on listening to Stake Conference which had been piped into your home. I really wanted to come back, but just couldn't. Of anyone, I knew you would understand. I knew the time was very, very close.
Today as I was lying in bed, I thought of some of the times we shared. We were pregnant together, more than once. Bryson and Andy would have been the same age. When I lost Andy, you brought me over a beautiful CD of hymn arrangements. I wore it out. When I was pregnant with Curtis, you brought me dinner, not after I had him, but the week before. How sweet.
We both dreaded January. For others it is a time of starting fresh. For us it was a letdown. You always complimented me on my garden. When Christopher was getting home from his mission, I was lucky enough to come and plant and weed for you, though you were not supposed to find out who it was.
More than anything, you taught me how to live with patience, purpose in the smallest of things, and long suffering. In dying you taught me quiet dignity and endurance, relying on a power heaven sent, because it was constantly sought after.
I'm happy for you Cathi, for you suffered, and now, that suffering is over. I pray for your family knowing that they will be OK. They had the greatest teacher.
I love you.
Shar
Monday, October 18, 2010
Johnny and his friends
I woke up yesterday morning and noticed a few more deformities caused by MCTD. When I pointed them out to Ron I commented that it won't be long before he won't recognize me. He tenderly replied that he will always recognize and love me just the way I am. He then asked me if I felt any joy. Yes I do. All in all, as noted in previous posts, I am doing quite well.
Which brings me to Johnny. He is my Downs Syndrome nephew. I was lucky enough to attend his Special Olympics basketball game last Saturday. To watch all these kids (and I say kids though there was a gentleman who had to be in his late 60's) play their little hearts out was truly inspiring. Katie. She made her very first ever, basket. Jerry, or his name might have been Terry. Jason. He is around 47ish, very short. Under 5' I think. Running up and down the court clapping trying to get the fans involved. Another girl all decked out in her sports goggles. That was all she needed to feel like a winner. And Remi, short for Remmington. We sat by his dad. He kept almost losing his shorts. And Heidi was there to watch, though she never saw the game. She kept her head bent down always looking at the ground with those sad dark eyes. She is autistic. She won't ever speak. She is painfully shy. literally. Her mom was so darling. Her countenance radiated love, just like my sister.
And of course John, my sweet nephew. He's 20 yrs old. He would run up and down the court. You know his coach told him where his spot was cause he would run to it every time, and stay there. John shoots underhanded, as do many of the players. He came soooo close several times but the shots just didn't fall that day. He's a great shooter.
Then there was Bryan. Bryan looked to be the most physically disabled on the team. His left arm was completely immobile. It took it's place at his side, elbow bent at a 90 degree angle, and his hand hung at another 90 degree angle as well. And it was so thin, I'm sure from muscles that had never been used. His legs were very bent. His knees were so knocked that he would have to take an extra swinging motion just to get around each one to walk/run. As if that were not enough, his feet pointed in to one another, yet another obstacle to navigate with each step. Bryan looked like he could have cerebral palsy.
Bryan made one of the three baskets of the entire game. A hook shot because he only had the use of one arm. He was the first to run up and down the court in his ackward kind of way. He knew how to defend. He would put his arm up in the face of his 6'3-5 opponents. Yeah, the other team had some TALL players! Thus, only the 3 baskets for our Huskies. I commented to my sis how inspired I was by Bryan. She told me that his mother was told he would never walk. NEVER! As I said, he was running.
The Huskies lost. The score was 6 to 30 something. John wished he would have made a basket but he and the whole team felt like winners. Because they are. i learned so much last Sat morning, by sitting and watching and cheering. They are so dear and innocent. Which reminds me of one of my favorite stories. One day John got out of the shower and came walking out without a towel. Linda told him he needed to remember to wrap a towel around him next time. So the next day, sure enough, he came walking out with a towel, wrapped around his head!
God bless these sweet people. Actually, God bless the rest of us. for we will be the ones who really need those blessings.
Which brings me to Johnny. He is my Downs Syndrome nephew. I was lucky enough to attend his Special Olympics basketball game last Saturday. To watch all these kids (and I say kids though there was a gentleman who had to be in his late 60's) play their little hearts out was truly inspiring. Katie. She made her very first ever, basket. Jerry, or his name might have been Terry. Jason. He is around 47ish, very short. Under 5' I think. Running up and down the court clapping trying to get the fans involved. Another girl all decked out in her sports goggles. That was all she needed to feel like a winner. And Remi, short for Remmington. We sat by his dad. He kept almost losing his shorts. And Heidi was there to watch, though she never saw the game. She kept her head bent down always looking at the ground with those sad dark eyes. She is autistic. She won't ever speak. She is painfully shy. literally. Her mom was so darling. Her countenance radiated love, just like my sister.
And of course John, my sweet nephew. He's 20 yrs old. He would run up and down the court. You know his coach told him where his spot was cause he would run to it every time, and stay there. John shoots underhanded, as do many of the players. He came soooo close several times but the shots just didn't fall that day. He's a great shooter.
Then there was Bryan. Bryan looked to be the most physically disabled on the team. His left arm was completely immobile. It took it's place at his side, elbow bent at a 90 degree angle, and his hand hung at another 90 degree angle as well. And it was so thin, I'm sure from muscles that had never been used. His legs were very bent. His knees were so knocked that he would have to take an extra swinging motion just to get around each one to walk/run. As if that were not enough, his feet pointed in to one another, yet another obstacle to navigate with each step. Bryan looked like he could have cerebral palsy.
Bryan made one of the three baskets of the entire game. A hook shot because he only had the use of one arm. He was the first to run up and down the court in his ackward kind of way. He knew how to defend. He would put his arm up in the face of his 6'3-5 opponents. Yeah, the other team had some TALL players! Thus, only the 3 baskets for our Huskies. I commented to my sis how inspired I was by Bryan. She told me that his mother was told he would never walk. NEVER! As I said, he was running.
The Huskies lost. The score was 6 to 30 something. John wished he would have made a basket but he and the whole team felt like winners. Because they are. i learned so much last Sat morning, by sitting and watching and cheering. They are so dear and innocent. Which reminds me of one of my favorite stories. One day John got out of the shower and came walking out without a towel. Linda told him he needed to remember to wrap a towel around him next time. So the next day, sure enough, he came walking out with a towel, wrapped around his head!
God bless these sweet people. Actually, God bless the rest of us. for we will be the ones who really need those blessings.
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